Life On My Own
by Vammy
Summary: Colonel Wolfman saw an experiment gone wrong that would in turn cause Shadowlaw their downfall. He saw opportunity. Little did Wolfman know that Cammy White had been to Hell and back more than once. A continuation on my triology on Cammy's life.
1. Default Chapter

When I began writing my Cammy trilogy, first off, I wasn't expecting it to be a trilogy. But most of all I expected to write something with a beginning, middle and an end. The beginning and the middle weren't so hard. It's the end that always seems to get me. Sure I can close a story, but the characters have such a life, a power over me, I can't end it for them. Maybe I just can't ever let them be happy actually. I swear I should write for a soap opera. Never ending drama and a whole lot of angst is just my cup of tea. I also never expected to have such wonderful original characters. Scott Wagner is so much fun to write for, I'm actually quite jealous and wish he was mine. (Sometimes I pretend he is, Jami.) And then there's Julian Marquez, my actual original character. He just amazes me. This poor man has been through hell and back yet I keep throwing more at him. And Cammy (not mine, but my focus), I'm surprised she's still breathing after what I've done to her.

Now that I've mentioned more I can get into what this whole 'author's note', as one would call it, is all about. With the trilogy, I've brought it full circle. I'm sure not many noticed that at the beginning of "The Real Life Cammy", Charlie was twenty-three years old and that at the end of "One More Life", Cammy was twenty-three years old? It was totally intentional, at least that's what I like the tell myself. Okay, don't lose me here now kids…the whole entire point of me writing this is to introduce the next story. (Leave it to me to tell you my story has gone full circle and then introduce the next one, huh?) This is totally separate, though of course connected to the other three, with no past there is no future. There has been extensive research done on my part into where the characters, given their pasts, should be psychologically. I'm trying to work in, slightly obvious symbolism and all that other English mumbo jumbo that fascinates me. As a Psychology major who loves reading and picking apart works, this is right up my ally and fun, so don't feel sorry for me. But also this is the most time I've ever put into something, and the biggest risk I've ever taken with characters. So what? Maybe I'm a little scared? I'm still putting it out there right? Just be kind, but don't be afraid to be frank with me. (I'll make the same mistake forever if you give me daisy scented reviews!) And for God's sake, just enjoy the story.

--

_Living risky,  
never scared, wander  
Closer to the edge  
Nothing valued think no fear,  
Always wondering why you're here  
All your purposes are gone, nothing's  
Right and nothing's wrong  
Nothing ventured, nothing gained  
Feel no sorrow, feel no pain._

_  
Kiss me while I'm still alive  
Kill me while I kiss the sky  
Let me die on my own terms,  
Let me live and let me learn  
Now I'll follow my own way, and I'll  
Live on to another damn day  
Freedom carries sacrifice,  
Remember when this was my life?_

_  
Looking forward, not behind  
Everybody's got to cross that line  
Free me now to give me a place,  
Keep me caged and free the beast  
Falling faster, time goes by,  
Fear is not seen through these eyes  
What there was will never be,  
Now I'm blind and cannot see._

_   
  
Kiss me while I'm still alive  
Kill me while I kiss the sky  
Let me die on my own terms, let me  
Live and let me learn  
Now I'll follow my own way, and I'll  
Live on to another damn day  
Freedom carries sacrifice,  
Remember when this was my life?3 Doors Down—"Life on My Own"_

A bead of sweat rolled down Cammy's forehead, but a seasoned operative such as herself knew better than to wipe it away. She only hoped it wouldn't fall into her eyes like her blonde wisps of hair had already done. It was sweltering in this jungle and all of her concentration was aimed at keeping her palms dry. Couldn't very well hold a gun securely with sweaty palms. Cammy kept her breathing soft as she waited for her signal. Now was where the math begun; _two clips, eight bullets each, that's sixteen. Wolfman estimated twelve men guarding the outside. _Cammy slowly moved her hands to the butts of the twin Brownings she had holstered under her arms. While a Browning was usually a two handed gun, Cammy's engineered strength enabled her to perform slightly above the norm. Point in her favor. Yet her teammates, located at various other entrances of the base, had years of training and experience on her. She couldn't help but feel misplaced. Colonel Wolfman had said she had the heart, the spirit, the drive; she only hoped he was right.

It had been a year since Cammy had been offered the position with Delta Red. Her life was totally changed. Everyday was a battle waiting to happen. She had to be strong twenty-four/seven, not something she was used to. But the biggest change was she had to be indifferent. She had joined to be personally involved, but she couldn't. Not and survive. Survival was the most important thing, and that meant kill or be killed. At first Cammy secretly missed her targets, deliberately aiming to spare the enemy's life. But that was short lived. It was her third mission when an enemy she had spared didn't get the hint. He shot back after he hit the floor, injuring her and Wolfman. Until that moment, Wolfman had overlooked her mercy, but that was the end of it. Now she just didn't look back and assumed all her targets survived. That way she wouldn't die inside. She wouldn't turn into what she feared. A cold-blooded killer.

The signal to move beeped in her earpiece. Furrowing her eyebrows into a scowl, Cammy stood as she drew the Brownings. The noise from the guns was instant, ringing out before her fingers felt like they were done pulling the triggers. Instantly the two men closest to her initial position fell; wounded or dead, she didn't know. She rolled behind a wall as the remaining enemy returned fire. Now was the tough part, no element of surprise on her side. Shooting as she came out from the wall, another two men went down and she gained ten yards. Cammy continued forward, rolling and shooting simultaneously. Only one man fell and only one gun shot. The Browning in her left hand clicked empty. After her first stab of fear, Cammy's mind flashed to her last target practice, and not finishing the clip. Thanks in most part to her strategic rolling, the soldier who she had targeted with the empty guns shot missed. Once again behind the safety of a wall, Cammy had no time to freak out. She dropped the empty Browning and held her remaining one with two hands. She had to get in the building. In a surge of adrenaline, Cammy bolted for the door, shooting more to distract rather than kill, praying the whole way. The Browning clicked empty after five quick shots, and she had roughly fifteen feet to go. Cammy threw the gun as a makeshift sixth shot as she dashed the remaining distance, bullets trailing after her.

She leapt the last few feet. As she hit the floor, Cammy skidded on her side before her body roughly hit the wall. Before she could even breathe a sigh of relief, she saw men approaching. Kicking to her feet, Cammy readied herself for a type of battle she was more accustomed to. Within seconds of standing, she had slammed the closest soldier's head into the floor. Running towards the next man, she smashed her elbow into his stomach. He doubled over and she grabbed his hair with one hand, his throat with the other. He would have cried out if his breathing hadn't been restricted. She yelled as she pushed him towards a digital pad on the wall, near the door.

"Shut the door!"

He stuttered what sounded to Cammy like, 'I don't know the code!' She tightened her grip on his throat as she yelled again.

"Do it and I won't kill you!"

He fumbled his arm towards the keypad and pushed the code. Cammy mumbled as she slammed his head into the now closed door.

"Thought so."

She paused for a moment, letting everything sink in. It was quiet now, the hardest part was over. She had almost screwed everything up. Now she just had to make her way into the control room. Cammy jogged down the long hall, the 2-D black and white map coming to life as she ran. She approached the door and pulled out her digital defragmenter, setting it to work on cracking the code to the control room. Cammy's heart raced as she waited. It was too quiet now. Of course that really just meant her teammates had done their jobs correctly. The door beeped and slid open.

Before she could step inside, Cammy felt a foot slam into her spine and she flew forward into the room. Tucking her body into a roll, she bounded back to her feet and faced her assailant; a young woman, her age with short brown hair cropped under her chin and rage written all over her face. Cammy recognized her instantly; her name was Juli, and she was a Shadowlaw Doll, just like she herself once was. Cammy realized this mission had already gone terribly wrong due to her carelessness, but it hadn't failed yet, and it wasn't going to if she could help it. Even if it meant battling this woman.

Cammy quickly covered the distance between them, leaping at the last moment and launching a kick into the Juli's chest. She absorbed the impact, using the wall behind her to bounce back at Cammy, who had gracefully landed from the jump kick. Cammy dodged her initial thrusts before jabbing her elbow into her chin. Blood splattered on Cammy as Juli's lips busted under the power of Cammy's blow. Cammy grabbed for her neck, but she ducked and rolled past Cammy's legs. Cammy turned just in time to scoot back to avoid a jab into her stomach. Juli turned a full circle and tried the same thrust. Cammy dodged again, thinking how stupid it was for her to attempt the same failed move. At least that's what she thought to herself before she felt her shirt tear and blood dribble from a new wound on her abdomen. Cammy caught herself before she cried out, instead playing it off as a small sound of amazement. Juli took a step back, again in her fighting stance, but this time with a large switchblade. She couldn't help but speak in a morbidly sarcastic tone.

"Not another weapon. One in a lifetime is enough."

Juli looked puzzled, which Cammy expected. But it was a momentary confusion. Juli yelled as she rushed Cammy.

"Deal with it!"

The blade was headed right for Cammy's neck with the force of Juli's rage behind it. Cammy could do rage. Rage was her second nature. As the Doll was about to deliver a killing blow, Cammy moved quickly, grabbing her wrist and slamming the blade into the wall behind her. Still with a hold on Juli's wrist, Cammy flipped her body over, forcing her into the floor. She kicked her hard in the stomach, a coward's blow, but Cammy didn't know what was coming over her.

"See how you fight without your claw!"

Juli looked up at her like she was crazy. Cammy knew she must have looked crazy, something came over her on missions. But it was the mission that was important. Cammy reached down the pick the woman up and finish her, but before she could, powerful arms went under her armpits and around the back of her neck. She immediately tried to flip the unseen enemy, but whoever it was he was too strong and too heavy. Wolfman's voice filled her ears.

"Don't, we need her."

Cammy calmed instantly as Luwanda bound Juli's wrists. Cammy grabbed her stomach, feeling that her cut was just a flesh wound, before speaking.

"Someone had better tell me what the hell is going on."


	2. 2 Stop Looking

_Hit or miss, fuck a fight  
It's time to live your life  
Go ahead, I know I'm right  
I'm gonna lay it on the line  
Put yourself in my shoes  
Would you stand up for your rights  
Line 'em up and knock 'em down  
I'm not running scared tonight  
  
I have found these walls before  
And I'm not scared anymore  
There's a time to lead and to follow  
Because I won't take this anymore (these walls)  
I found these walls before (these walls)  
There's a time to lead and to follow (these walls)  
  
I see the walls closing in  
And I feel like I'm in danger  
My enemy is not alone  
In the mirror, there's a stranger  
As I tried to break out  
My panic led to fear  
Hopeless, I am alone  
I'm afraid the end is near  
  
The truth doesn't always have to hurt.  
  
Stop looking  
Stop seeing NOW  
Right Now  
  
The truth doesn't always have to hurt._

_Papa Roach –"Stop Looking"_

_--_

He watched as the trail of water slid down the side of the small metal pipe. It collected at the very edge, swelling as it formed a droplet. It finally shook and fell to the stone floor, making a tiny noise.

"Twenty-three."

Julian Marquez's gruff voice filled his own ears, echoing through the tiny expanse of cell he'd called home for the past year and a half. He ran his hand through his shoulder length, black hair. Its length was only matched by the length of his beard. Julian had never looked so torn apart, inside and out, but he had no one to impress here. In fact he had no one at all. The only thing not dirty about his appearance was his cerulean blue eyes shining through the mass of black hair and olive complexion, greatly paled due to lack of sunlight.

For the first few months Julian had entertained a fleeting hope that his solitary confinement would be temporary. After that hope left he prayed constantly. He couldn't begin to count the rosary's he'd recited, (on his fingers, he wasn't allowed an actual rosary), dedicated to his release from solitary. This was pure hell. Throughout his life Julian had always felt he was a loner. But with absolutely no human contact, aside from confession and communion once a month, he was going crazy. Another drop fell.

"Twenty-four."

Julian stood quickly and began pacing, which wasn't an easy task. It was his routine. Pretty soon he'd begin to think about his lost son. Sometimes he'd play out scenarios in his head. He'd pretend that Dorian wasn't dead, and that he himself wasn't in jail. Jail was time to think about your crimes, to come to grips with them. But the thing that plagued Julian the most wasn't a crime of his. In fact if he hadn't done the right thing maybe, just maybe he could have saved Dorian from his fate. His son died for no reason other than revenge from one of Julian's enemies. He'd never even got to meet Dorian, for all Dorian knew in his life, he didn't have a father. But the pain was still there. It never ended.

Suddenly his cell door opened. Julian squinted against the florescent light, not sure how to react. A guard stood before him with a set of cuffs. He spoke.

"Marquez, assume the position."

Confused, Julian did as he was told, he wasn't going to miss an opportunity to leave his cell. Everything looked new to Julian. He took his time, taking in his surroundings. The guard pushed him in the back.

"Hurry it up, we ain't got all night,"

Julian didn't struggle, he just did as he was told. Too much was going on too quickly. Soon he was entering a visitor's room where a man sat alone at the table. Julian recognized him as his father. That's when he stopped being complacent. He shook his head as he stepped back.

"No fucking way."

Julian's father was the reason he was in solitary. He had come to visit him, telling him of Dorian's existence and death within two minutes of one another. Also blaming Julian for the tragedy, causing him to go into a rage. Julian turned to leave as he repeated.

"No way in hell I'm talking to him."

The guard answered him with a shove and spoke without feeling.

"You ain't got no choice."

The door was shut behind him. His father motioned for him to sit. Julian reluctantly did. As he stepped further into the room he noticed another man who was his height, build and had his hair and beard grown to match Julian's. Julian was the first to speak.

"What the hell is this all about?"

"I need you son."

"So I'm your son now?"

"You've always been my son."

"I wasn't when you blamed me for Dorian's murder."

"Dorian's death hurt me as much as it hurt you."

"Emotionally or politically?"

"I was upset, irrational, looking to strike out at anything I could. Besides, that has nothing to do with why I'm here."

"Then why are you here?"

"To get you out of prison. No son of mine is going to rot here."

Julian's heart stopped for a moment. Freedom echoed through his mind as images of his tiny cell began to fade. He spoke, his voice trembling.

"Pa, don't fuck with me."

"I'm not. I said I need you."

"So, there's a catch."

"Yes."

There was always a catch with his father. No matter how hard he pretended to care, Julian knew he didn't. But that wasn't what Julian was thinking about. Freedom, getting out of this hell no matter what it takes was now key. His father continued.

"There is some serious bullshit going on right now and I'm running out of people to trust."

"So you're saying that you can get me out if I become active in the Latin Kings again?"

Julian was breathing heavily, awaiting an answer.

"Yes."

Julian thought for a moment. In solitary he'd had a lot of time to think. That's all there was to do. During that time, mostly in the past few months, he'd come to the conclusion that God had abandoned him. That no matter how hard he prayed God just wasn't listening anymore. In his mind he'd paid his debt for the lives he'd taken with his son's death. He spoke, urgency in this voice.

"How the hell are you going to pull this off?"

His father stood up and un-cuffed Julian with a key pulled from his pocket. He then patted him on the back as he spoke.

"Julian, this is Carl. Remember how I told you I was having a hard time trusting my employees? Well Carl here is learning first hand what happens to traitors. Now trade him clothes."

Julian did as his father said, ignoring the voice in the back of his head. He chased the thoughts of how wrong this was with thoughts of outside, of never seeing that cell again.

Soon Julian and Carl had totally switched clothes and Julian assumed identities, and Julian's father was cuffing him. The guard came back and shook his father's hand. Only someone who was expecting it would have seen the money exchanged. Soon Carl was gone and Julian was as close to freedom as he'd been in nearly seven years. He followed his father out of the prison, outside. It was the middle of the night and the sky was littered with stars. He hadn't seen stars in years. The stars had been the last thing he looked at as a free man and now they were the first thing he looked at as a free man. Julian was suddenly scared, questioning his father.

"Pa, isn't he going to say something, you know, about not being me?"

"I don't think Carl will be talking Julian."

"Why not?"

"Because I cut his tongue out."

--

His own groan filled his ears before the buzz of the alarm did. Scott Wagner rolled over and hit the off button of the small device by his bed. The harsh red numbers blinked 3:30 A.M. at him. He mumbled to himself as her rubbed his bright blue eyes.

"Too early."

Wagner slid from his bed and into a pair of his military issue sweat pants. He and his shop had a three mile run at 6:00 this morning. It was going to happen once a week now, orders of the General. He looked into the mirror as he brushed his teeth, glad he had recently cut his blonde hair short, there was no upkeep that way. Wagner spit and stretched then headed towards his desk. The desk was covered with books and papers, strewn all about. Somehow in the darkness, Wagner knew exactly what book he needed and picked it out from the mess. He flipped on the desk lamp and began reading.

"…mental disorders are seen as caused by the combination and interaction of biological, psychological, and sociocultural factors, each of which contributes in varying degrees to particular problems in particular people. In the case of children and adolescents, their mental development is still incomplete and often their capacity to cope with stress is limited which leaves them open to special types of disorders that can carry on into adulthood…"

Wagner took notes and highlighted meticulously for two hours. This degree was the most important thing to him right now in his life. And no one but him knew about it. He was too afraid to tell Guile, his surrogate father, that his work in the Air Force had become tedious. And Cammy was so caught up in Shadowlaw still, which would be expected being she was a member of Delta Red which concentrated on stopping terrorist groups, that he feared she'd be angry at his decision to quit the Air Force. He was so afraid of the people he cared about most's disapproval that he'd remained in service while he worked on his classes. Thus the reason he was getting up so early to study. The Air Force was great for the young boy who deeply respected and loved the only father figure who'd cared about him. Wagner had wanted to be just like Guile, hoping that would make Guile respect him. But he had realized that he needed to be happy with himself. He'd seen people in his life suffer and he felt this would help just as much as being active in the military. There was a bang on his door and the voice of his friend Jake could be heard through it.

"Come on Wagner! The early bird gets the worm!"

Wagner shut his book titled, 'The Psychology and Counseling of Children and Adolescents' and quickly slipped on a t-shirt. He smiled and mumbled

"Don't I know it?"

--

**Scott Kurt Wagner is the creation of Jami (dammit) a fellow writer. Thank you Jami, for allowing me to use him in this and all of my stories. **


	3. 3 Bleed By Yourself

_I haven't met you lately.  
I know it's been so long.  
I haven't seen you __lately,__ I know that you've done wrong.  
think time has made you crazy.  
your mind is oh so gone.  
think time has more than raised me.  
don't need you anymore.  
shooting you inspiration.  
bullets don't feel so good.  
turning to desperation.  
I always knew you would.  
think time has made you crazy.  
your mind is oh so gone.  
think time has more than raised me.  
don't need you anymore.  
this is where you stand.  
this is where you pray.  
this is where you sit and this is where you lay.  
I left you there to bleed by yourself.  
you left me here to die alone.  
think time has made you crazy.  
your mind is oh so gone.  
think time has more than raised me.  
don't need you anymore.___

_Eighteen Visions- "Bleed By Yourself"_

_--_

Cammy sat, her temper moments away from flaring, while she received twelve stitches from Colonel Wolfman. His shoulder length brown hair was held back by a bandana and his hazel eyes, one marked with a scar, squinted in concentration. Shortly after rushing from the fallen base he had partly explained Juli's presence to her. Shadowlaw was involved with thousands of smaller 'companies', and this particular one needed to be protected. But what Cammy didn't understand is why Wolfman didn't tell her about it or why she was getting twelve stitches from a needless fight. But she had learned to hold her tongue when it came to Colonel Wolfman. He would tell her all the details when the time was right. She looked across the military jeep at Juli. The Doll hadn't spoken a word. Cammy couldn't help but stare at her in amazement. This woman had been through the almost exact same thing as her.

Cammy winced as the jeep hit a bump and a stitch was pulled the wrong way. Wolfman muttered.

"Sorry."

Then Cammy couldn't hold it any longer.

"I shouldn't even be having to get these stitches. With all due respect, sir, I don't understand why you didn't inform me of her possible presence. It was dangerous to the mission. What if something didn't go has planned and I wasn't alone in that office?"

"My decision dangerous to the mission? Cammy where is your equipment?"

Cammy held her breath. Wolfman was no fool, especially when under her scrutiny. She spoke.

"My clips ran out and I used them as projectiles to get into the building."

"How'd you go through two clips that quickly?"

He knew the answer, but asked anyway.

"I didn't check them okay?"

"Yes, it is okay…this time. But Cammy, this is serious. Next time it might not be okay."

"I understand Colonel, it was stupid. But what about her?"

"I wasn't even expecting this. I expected some Shadowlaw resistance, but nothing above the norm. This is turning into something big. They aren't going to be very happy we have her."

"They'll try to have her killed. I won't let that happen."

"Cammy, you're not her personal body guard, and dammed sure not against all of Shadowlaw."

"However it works out, I need to talk to her."

"There's a lot of red tape to go through."

Cammy smiled before speaking.

"That's the best thing about Delta Red, we get to break right through it."

"Not this time. At least not for you."

"What?! Colonel—"

"Don't push it right now Cammy, you can't win."

Cammy listened. When Wolfman said something like that, he usually meant it. She casually shifted the subject as she spoke.

"She's strong. You'd never think by looking at her she was."

He smiled.

"No you wouldn't. But I seem to know a few women like that."

Cammy smiled back.

"See that's our strategy, you men never see it coming."

Wolfman put a bandage over the new stitches and pulled Cammy's shirt down over the dressed wound.

"Cammy, I'm telling you this as your commander and not your friend."

"Yes?"

"You've got to get it together. Today was just the beginning. The information we got is invaluable. It's only going to get tougher from here."

"Well when the going gets tough I just—"

"Fall apart?"

Cammy stopped, surprised and angered by his assumption. She spoke, coldly.

"I'm more together now than I've been in a long time. You know I've been through hell."

"And come out looking like gold. I really mean that."

With that said he stood up and took a seat next to her and spoke again.

"As your friend I'm more worried."

"Colonel, I don't know if this is the right time…"

"Sure it is. We all need a personal life or we go crazy and forget what we are fighting to preserve."

"Well than what has you worried? I'm fine. I talk to my family once a week at least. And I'm not a hermit, I go out, as strange as it may sound."

"Oh, I know. What about blokes?"

"Colonel! Are you honestly trying to girl talk with me?"

He spoke, his tone very serious.

"What if I am?"

Cammy caught on.

"I'd have to say you were bullshitting me. Just go on and ask me what you want to know."

Wolfman dropped his casual façade, which wasn't fake in his caring for Cammy, but he usually did just cut to the chase.

"What you're doing is not good for you."

"What do you mean what I'm doing?"

"A different man every night, never the same one twice."

Cammy turned red both from embarrassment and anger as she yelled.

"You're having me followed!?"

"Of course not. You've just been noticed. Something like that doesn't take long to come around."

"I can't fucking believe this. I'm twenty-four years old and you're lecturing me as if I'm a child."

"You're acting like one! I'm just concerned, as a friend."

The jeep stopped then. They were back at headquarters. Cammy jumped from the jeep and yelled back at Wolfman.

"I can do what I want to do with my life. It's up to me, my decision, get it?!"

With that said she stormed off in her typical fashion and Wolfman sighed loudly. He turned and met eyes with the young Shadowlaw Doll. There was a definite contempt in her eyes which wouldn't have been frightening except for the fact that it was the exact look he'd just been given by Cammy.

--

Wolfman walked down the hall of MI-6 headquarters, ready for a long night of meticulously going over the briefs from the latest mission and planning the next. He followed a row of windows to his office, noticing Cammy leaving. She had become so angry with him, and he had tried so hard to be sincere, hell he was! But he figured no one liked being told they were wrong. As he entered his office he sighed. He could remember like it was yesterday, seeing her fight. He knew her body had to be finished, there was no way she could have had the energy to stand, let alone fight. But there she was, moving with lightning speed. She looked so sure, so confidant. And she was strong willed. Her face had been calm, her movements coldly calculated. When she put that broken claw to Vega DeCerna's chest she knew she was going to kill him, but still, she let him speak, struggle a little. The way she looked when she killed Vega without so much as a second glance he knew, she was made for Delta Red.

He saw an experiment gone wrong that would in turn cause Shadowlaw their downfall. He saw opportunity. He had thought Colonel Guile was just being overprotective of Cammy when he insisted she shouldn't join. It wasn't easy being surrogate father to your best friend's daughter. A battlefield promise made between William Guile and Charlie Nash had plopped a teenage daughter into Colonel Guile's lap. And in Cammy's case, there was reason to worry. Little did Wolfman know that Cammy White had been to Hell and back more than once. As problems with Cammy arose he looked deeper into her past and was astonished. Guile had told him none of this, only that she wasn't right for Delta Red, if he would have known, Cammy would be at home with her family. He looked through the files again.

At sixteen her mother was killed by her father whose murder she eventually witnessed at the hands of a very sadistic Vega. She was subject to torture that the strongest men in any uniformed services would have broken under. She was programmed to be a killer (also subjected to painful strength enhancing and mind control experiments) and killed often. She suffered amnesia, eventually remembering her killings, leading to a suicide attempt. She also retrieved memories of being raped by Vega. She was again brutally raped by Vega. Years later her newfound family was targeted and that's when things changed.

Her inner turmoil wasn't visible. She looked together, strong, but inside she was still suffering. Everything that plagued her was pushed deep inside and she did what she had to do. But now was the problem. All that pain, all that dysfunction was mutilating her life. He had contacted a psychologist who commented on Cammy instability, and it had Wolfman nervous for his whole team. Colonel Guile had been right and now Wolman didn't know what to do. All he knew was that if Cammy continued like she was doing, somebody was going to get hurt.

--

Cammy had been visibly furious during the short de-briefing, purposely avoiding her teammates. They'd come accustomed to her mood swings anyway, so they knew to leave her alone. She got what she wanted in two ways; time to herself and no one else would know what she and Colonel Wolfman had spoken about. He had no right to dig into her private life, and even less right to judge her. She figured it was a male thing. Men could do exactly what she was doing and not get a second look. It was ridiculous.

Cammy let those thoughts leave her mind as she entered a small pub located near her flat. She checked her painstakingly applied make-up in a small mirror on the wall. No bruises and no scar. She'd gotten quite good at covering up her scar. It wasn't really a lady like thing, or something she liked to be reminded of. She scanned the crowd, noticing all the single men noticing her. The seemingly eternal body of a sixteen year old seemed to catch a few eyes. Though she was obviously not sixteen or anywhere near it, attention was drawn and she liked it. In fact, she loved it.


	4. 4 Beyond Redemption

_Oh I see your scars I know where they're from  
So sensually carved and bleeding until you're dead and gone  
I've seen it all before beauty and splendor torn  
It's when heaven turns to black and hell to white  
Right so wrong and wrong so right  
  
Now  
  
Feel it turning your heart into stone  
Feel it piercing your courageous soul  
Beyond now - redemption  
No one's gonna catch you when you fall  
  
Oh I see you crawl you can barely walk  
With arms wide open you keep on begging for more  
I've been there before knocking on the same door  
It's when hate turns to love and love to hate  
Faith to doubt and doubt to faith  
  
Now  
  
Feel it turning your heart into stone  
Feel it piercing your courageous soul  
Beyond now - redemption  
No one's gonna catch you when you fall_

_HIM- "Beyond Redemption"_

_--_

_Cammy trailed her eyes down the blue and gold embroidery of his frock coat. It was elegant and proper. What a gentleman of honor would wear. Not the attire she was used to seeing adorn Vega's body. His voice broke her thoughts._

_"Do you like it?"_

_"Actually yes.__ For a moment I could pretend it wasn't you."_

_"Oh come on lover, I know you have become accustomed to our chats."_

_"I've become tolerant of them. You're just bullshitting the whole time anyway, so what's the point?"_

_"The point is I am proving a point."_

_"That point being?"___

_"You have become like me."_

_"Yup, I was right. You're just bullshitting."_

_"Who is lying in the bed with you Camilla?"_

_She paused, not sure what to say. She opened her mouth to speak but he put his finger across it._

_"Shhh, I always knew you were passionate."_

_Pushing his hand away she spoke._

_"You knew no such thing. You raped me. That's not passion."_

_"Oh but do not forget your escapade with Mr. Masters. A married man. You threw yourself at him with such raw lust. He did not even have the strength to tell you he was married."_

_"I was seventeen years old."_

_"Exactly."___

_"That proves nothing. You have no point. Get out of my head!"_

_"I have a point my love. You have realized what a gift passion is. How wonderful it is to get away from everything when you are in your lovers arms. And even more like me, you have come to the conclusion that one lover isn't enough. You want them all."_

_Cammy wanted to hit him and raised her arm to do so. He caught it in his hand and twisted her body against his. She was always powerless in these dreams. He rubbed the side of her face and trailed his tongue down her neck. He littered her chest with soft kisses._

_"You are as wicked as I ever was."_

Cammy moaned as her eyes opened. They were used to darker than the light in the room so she could clearly see the naked back of…well come to think of it, she couldn't recall his name at the moment, but he was laying across her, kissing her neck, trying to wake her with his cuddling. He noticed she was awake and spoke, his voice a lustful whisper.

"You drive me crazy."

She smiled at him, running her fingers through his thick brown hair. Cammy pushed her dream into the back of her mind. What Wolfman said had her having all kinds of crazy dreams. Why couldn't he just mind his own business? She was a grown woman. She pulled Devon, (Yes! That was his name!) into a deep kiss, letting all the negative thoughts wash away as she became lost in his arms for the second time that night.

What seemed like only minutes later, Cammy peeled her eyes open slowly, adjusting to the morning sunlight, the unfamiliar bedroom and Devon's arm slug across her stomach. This is what was called coyote ugly. Not that she had been drunk last night or that Devon wasn't good looking, but she just didn't want to wake him. Then there are questions and last names and second dates...it was easier this way.

"Much easier."

She whispered to herself as she expertly slid out from under Devon's arm and collected her things.

She was glad she didn't have to work today. One of the perks of being a special agent of MI-6 was time off after missions. As soon as she was dressed she was out the door, staring a new day, last night's escapade already forgotten. She may have been choosing to ignore her promiscuity, but it was slowly taking a toll. Her dream last night proved it. Little by little she was becoming someone she despised. Life's hard when you hate yourself.

--

Early morning sunlight bore down on his shoulders, making it feel twenty degrees hotter than it already was. The dirty ball cap covering his red hair happened to also shield his eyes from the passersby. He was ashamed, but it was a feeling he had come accustomed to over his life. On the streets since he was fourteen, Craig Doyle Crankurt had developed a tough skin. Now at twenty-four, nothing fazed him. He had a bucket next to his folded legs on his perch next to the curb. He held a sign that read, in scratchy writing, 'need money for food'. Few people dropped coins into the bucket. More than not cursed him as they passed. While London was a tough crowd he couldn't feel too bad. After all it was a lie. He didn't need the money for food. It was for a plane ticket back to Osaka, Japan, where he had spent most of his adolescence picking pockets in the busy streets. As he had grown older, his face grew less innocent as it began reflecting his hard life. Besides, it happened to be quite easy to spot a six-foot-two Irishman in Japan. He did still have a few connections there though. He figured it would work out, at least for a while. And he did have charm as sure as his hair was red. For the past year he'd been conning the fine British people out of their money. But his gig was up and it was time to go. Get the hell out of here rather. A voice broke his thoughts.

"Sir, here you are."

He looked up and saw a young woman crouched beside him. She held out a brown paper bag emblazoned with the Subway logo. He gave her a puzzled look as he reached out for the bag. She spoke again.

"Some food, so you're not out here all day. It's damned hot. Hope you like turkey."

He stuttered.

"T-thank you."

She smiled, her green eyes sparkling. She was simply beautiful. He was thankful for his ball cap shading his eyes or she would have caught him staring. She spoke.

"Have a good day!"

She was gone before he could comprehend what she had said. He had to find out who she was. He stood quickly, almost forgetting his bucket, running into a few people as he rushed away. The plane ticket would have to wait. He had to find her, talk to her, and he certainly couldn't do that dressed as a bum. His impulsiveness once again controlling his life, he spoke out loud to himself as he entered a store to purchase some presentable clothes.

"Here we go Cranky."

--

The dull razor made a loud thump against the small bathroom trashcan. It had taken a pair of scissors and three disposable razors, but Julian was back to himself. He combed what was left of his jet black hair back from his face before he splashed on some aftershave. He felt so good, so alive, and so free. The sun shining on his face had roused him from his sleep. The sun! It was unbelievable. Julian couldn't remember the last time he felt so happy. However, it was strange to be in his father's home. In his twenty-eight years of life, he'd never lived in one of his father's homes. Julian walked down the stairs, surprised at the domestic scene in the kitchen. His father sat at the table, reading the newspaper, sipping on his coffee. Julian cleared his throat. His father looked up and his eyes grew wide. Throwing his newspaper aside, he hurried to Julian and grabbed the side of his face. Julian froze, scared of the sudden emotion of his emotionless father. He held Julian like that for a long moment, scanning his eyes, touching the rough features of his face before he kissed his cheek and pulled him into a hug. He whispered.

"My boy, all grown up."

Julian didn't know what to do. This was genuine love…from his father. It was surreal. His father spoke again.

"I'm sorry for what I did. Dorian died because of circumstance. You had no control. I had no right to put his death on you like I did."

That was the last straw for Julian. He crumbled into his father's arms, becoming a twelve year old boy; a boy who wanted nothing more than to make his father think him a man. Julian broke from the embrace first and spoke.

"Pa, I know this isn't why you came for me. You made that clear."

"No, no…it isn't. This is just an added perk."

"Not that I don't appreciate it, but cut the bullshit."

Julian wasn't that twelve year old anymore. He hadn't believed in his father since he forced him to get that tattoo. Since he forced him into his life. The life of a gang lord. Julian would have followed his father into hell, if only he had given him a choice rather than forcing him. His father had him fooled for a moment then. Like when he was smaller. His father's charm was unbreakable as he retorted.

"Some things never change Julian. I always loved you."

"Listen to your own words Pa. Some things never change. Like how I was never good enough."

"You weren't"

Julian clutched his fists. His didn't need this shit.

"Just what I should have fucking expected."

He turned to leave but his father grabbed his arm.

"We had a deal Julian. You work for me."

Julian roughly pulled his arm away before spitting back at his father.

"I was just going outside for some air. I wasn't leaving or skipping out on my responsibility…that's your department."

"You had the choice to come with me."

"I never had a choice in anything! You knew I wouldn't leave Ma. You left us to the dogs. You left me to your mother fucking gang dogs!"

Julian was breathing hard. This rage had built up for a while, a lifetime it seemed. He clenched and unclenched his fists as he shifted his weight from foot to foot. Almost as if he could channel his anger. He yelled again.

"Can you imagine what my life would have been like if you had let me be a normal kid? I had my first tattoo at fucking twelve and my first woman at thirteen. I killed because of you!"

His father yelled back, enraged now also.

"_I_ may have started you on this path but _you_ kept going. You killed those people, you raped that woman, you got yourself fucked with Shadowlaw. Now you need to finish it!"

"So it's an obligation then?"

"I do love you Julian, unconditionally, but you got to help me too. I haven't had the easiest life either. You're out of jail; that's what's important now, not our pint up anger, we have work to do."

"Then let's get to it."

Julian nervously twisted his fingers around on another and continued, calmer suddenly.

"So…what do we got to do today?"

"I have some business, but you, you need to take a day."

"A day?"

"To yourself. We got enough problems without you going all culture shock on me. You _have_ been in jail for seven years."

Julian nodded.

"Alright Pa. But this don't change shit."

"I never said it did."

--

**Craig 'Cranky' Doyle Crankurt belongs to fellow writer and friend, noctorro. Thanks for letting me use him. I'm sure this will all turn out great.**


	5. 5 Forsaken

_I'm over it  
You see I'm falling in the vast abyss  
Clouded by memories of the past  
At last, I see  
  
I hear it fading  
I can't speak it  
Or else you will dig my grave  
We fear them finding  
Always winding  
Take my hand now  
Be alive  
  
You see I cannot be forsaken  
Because I'm not the only one  
We walk amongst you  
Feeding, raping  
Must we hide from everyone  
  
I'm over it  
Why can't we be together  
Erase it  
Sleeping so long  
Taking up the mass  
At last, I see  
  
I hear it fading  
I can't speak it  
Or else you will dig my grave  
We fear them finding  
Always winding  
Take my hand now  
Be alive  
  
You see I cannot be forsaken  
Because I'm not the only one  
We walk amongst you  
Feeding, raping  
Must we hide from everyone_

_Disturbed- "Forsaken"_

Cammy arrived home to messages from Wolfman, Guile and Wagner. It was a conspiracy. She wondered if saying she was tired and unplugged the phone would work this time. She was betting not. Wolfman couldn't mind his own business. Cammy sighed and sat next to the phone, contemplating who to call first. That decision was made easy when Wagner didn't answer the phone meaning he was most likely with Guile. She spoke out loud.

"Damn you Wolfman."

Gritting her teeth, Cammy dialed Guile's number. The phone was picked up before the first ring had even finished. Wagner's voice filled her ears.

"Hello?"

"Hey Wagner, it's me."

"Cammy? Where the hell have you been?"

"Yesterday was a rough mission."

"The very reason you should call."

"Some things are different now."

"We know about the girl you found."

"You say that as if I wouldn't have told you."

"I just don't need you to be ambiguous with me. You're acting like we're against you."

"Where'd all this insight come all of the sudden? Besides, you know I don't feel that way. Just put Guile on the phone. I love you."

Wagner sighed.

"Love you too."

Cammy heard the rustling of the phone as it was passed from Wagner to Guile. She touched her abdomen, suddenly reminded of Juli. She was so much like Cammy herself was. Cammy had to talk to her, despite Wolfman's efforts to keep them from speaking. Cammy would find a way. Guile's voice broke her thoughts.

"You're alive."

"You knew I was alive."

"But not that you were okay. I'm old Cammy."

"You're not old."

"How about you give me a break anyway?"

"I'm sorry Guile. Things are just frantic. As a matter of fact I can't really talk now either. I've actually got to go. I love you, tell the same to Jane and Melissa."

Cammy hung up the phone before she heard Guile's reply. She didn't have the heart to keep avoiding her family. But right now that wasn't what she was worried about. Juli was all that was on her mind. Wolfman could just go screw himself for all she cared. This was personal.

--

Marquez kept his face hard as was led down a familiar hallway. This Los Angeles base of operations for Shadowlaw had been here quite a while and this definitely hadn't been the first time he'd visited it. Since he took total control of the Latin Kings he'd been using Shadowlaw as a resource. He wasn't going to run some petty drug cult. His group was sophisticated. They deserved respect. And M. Bison had always done that. He'd shown mercy for things that Marquez couldn't control, mainly Julian. He entertained an old man's unyielding love for his son. He arrived at the meeting room and knocked softly before he entered. He was greeted by Bison himself, who was adorned in his usual maroon and black military-type attire.

"Marquez, it's good to see you."

"As it is you."

Bison sat down and motioned for Marquez to do the same as he spoke.

"I'm assuming that everything went as planned last night."

"Yes, yes it did. Your connections were flawless."

"Where is he?"

"I told him to take a day for adjustment."

"Good, good, and he thinks he's working only for you?"

Marquez became sullen.

"Yes. I told Julian I needed someone I could trust."

"Excellent."

Bison became very serious suddenly as he spoke again.

"And the boy?"

Marquez answered shakily.

"He doesn't know. Julian still thinks his son is dead."

--

Cammy felt like she was in a bad detective movie as she was forced to check her weapon before entering the holding facility of MI-6 headquarters. Holding facility, that was a fancy name for prison. She had to check her weapon because she wasn't on the great and powerful list, probably a very intentional oversight on Wolfman's part. But she was an employee here after all, he didn't have total control. Damn close, but not total. As Cammy passed other employees of MI-6 and wished she hadn't worn jeans and a t-shirt. Everyone looked so professional. However it was expected for the members of Delta Red to be a little unconventional. The odd feeling of misplacement was from herself and no one else.

There was a crowd around where Juli was being held for questioning. Cammy almost smiled to herself. They treated her like some disabled child, not believing her when she said they wouldn't be able to break Juli. Cammy all to well remembered seeing the video tapes of herself under Bison's mind control. She'd never been able to put into words what seeing herself like that felt like. Guile still hadn't told her what she was saying. He said it didn't matter. Like hell it didn't. Cammy slid in file beside Wolfman who watched through double sided glass the interrogation. She spoke in a quiet whisper.

"Got anything out of her yet?"

Wolfman jumped a little, but quickly hid his momentary scare. He whispered back.

"Cammy, why are you here?"

"I'm bored and wanted to see how things were going."

"You're such a liar…"

He sighed

"…and you were right. She hasn't so much as flinched."

"I'm telling you Wolfman, you have to let me talk to her. I can break her out of this."

"What makes you more qualified than anyone else to question her?"

"I've been there."

"Yes, but you were the one being interrogated, remember?"

"No actually."

Wolfman grabbed Cammy's arm and pulled her from the others before he spoke sternly.

"I don't like you acting so smug. I'm sorry you went through hell, but right now this girl is what matters. Not you proving you're a badass."

Cammy pulled her arm away roughly.

"Maybe if you gave me a little credit or respect I wouldn't have to prove myself."

"That's the problem Cammy, you haven't yet."

Cammy didn't let her expression change. She just calmly walked away from Wolfman and back into the group of agents watching the interrogation. It had gotten rough. Juli had blood running down her chin yet her expression hadn't changed. Cammy watched as they hit her again and again. Trying not to wince, and after a few blows, visibly recoiling of each blow. She saw herself there, years ago, like she had so many times on that video recording. Except this time, the sound was there. The words were there, in her head. She was remembering.

_ Guile stood and leaned his head down for Cammy to whisper into his ear. She leaned in close before beginning._

_"I was wondering how you were in bed."_

_She then licked a line across Guile's ear before nipping at the lobe. He nearly fell backwards from surprise. She began laughing hysterically. Guile gave her one more glance before he left the room. Cammy bit her lower lip before breaking out into laughter once again._

No wonder Guile didn't want to tell Cammy what happened. She was like he was, like Vega. Cammy shook her head. It wouldn't leave her alone. Before she knew it Cammy had pushed through the small crowd of agents. She pulled a gun from one of their holsters, aimed and got the shot off before Wolfman tackled her as a magnificent spray of glass particles fell over her. __


	6. 6 Six Underground

_Take me down  
Six underground  
The ground beneath your feet_

_Laid out low  
Nothing to go  
Nowhere a way to meet.  
I've got a head full of drought  
Down here, so far off  
Losing out, round here  
  
Over ground, watch this space  
I'm open to falling from grace.  
  
Calm me down  
Bring it round  
Too way high off your street  
I can see like nothing else  
In me you're better than I wanna be.  
Don't think 'cos I understand I care  
Don't think 'cos I'm talking we're friends  
  
Talk me down, safe and sound, too  
Strung up to sleep  
Wear me out  
Scream and shout  
Swear my time's never cheap  
I fake my life like I've lived;  
Too much  
I take whatever you're given;  
Not enough_

_Sneaker Pimps- "Six Underground"_

_--_

"Get the fuck off of me!"

Cammy screamed, incensed with rage. This was exactly what Wolfman had been dreading for months. She'd snapped. He slammed her wrist into the hard, concrete floor, breaking her hold on the gun and hopefully not her wrist. Once the gun was out of Cammy's hand, Wolfman struggled with her for a while. She was as strong as he was, but he was larger and had the upper hand, mainly being on top of her. He yelled, trying to bring her back from wherever she was.

"Cammy, Cammy! Calm down!"

She spoke softly, but her anger was apparent.

"I'm plenty calm if you'd just get the hell off of me!"

Wolfman's eyes grew wide. It was Cammy. She knew exactly what she was doing and exactly what she'd just done. It was like finding out the dog you'd owned it's whole life bit a little girl and wasn't rabid. Before he could speak a fellow agent came behind him and injected a tranquilizer into Cammy's arm. She blacked out as Wolfman pulled his body off of hers. He spoke, forgetting Cammy for a moment.

"Did she kill her?"

The same man who brought the tranquilizer answered.

"No, she hit the prisoner in the leg. She won't die unless she loses too much blood and I don't see one of Bison's creations bleeding to death.

Wolfman grabbed the agent's shirt and got into his face.

"She's not a machine, she's a human!"

The agent put his arms up in a gesture of apology as he spoke.

"I was just saying. No harm meant."

Wolfman let him go and took a breath.

"No I'm sorry. Just take Agent White to my office, I'll deal with her."

--

_ Light caught on the most golden strands of his hair as it moved about his shoulders with the movements of his arms. Vega was clapping for her. His usual smirk ran itself across his face reminding Cammy of just how sadistic Vega really was. She spoke first._

_"You have nothing to do with what just happened."_

_"May I quote you, my love?"_

_"No."_

_"Pity.__ That was the greatest show of such lovely brutality I have ever seen. You wanted her to suffer."_

_Cammy walked towards him, feeling she had the upper hand for once. She spoke._

_"You see Vega, that's the thing. She was suffering, just like I once was. And now is the beginning of the end of your hell for her. I gave her the shock her system needed to break Bison's mind control."_

_Vega shook his head, reprimanding her._

_"Ah Camilla, so noble."___

_"What's it matter, it's over now. It worked just the same for me."_

_"But you were only with us a short time, you realize. Young Juli has put years into this…career. Why, I am surprised you do not remember her."_

_"That's impossible."_

_"Is it? Is it so impossible that right under your vengeful little eyes she was with me all of that time? Well until you killed me that is."_

_Vega grabbed Cammy's face on either side of her cheeks as if he were about to scold a child. She reached up and grabbed his wrists. He kissed her softly on the lips, surprisingly chaste for Vega, before her reared back and slapped her as he yelled._

_"Think about it!"_

Cammy woke with a start and Wolfman's hands on her shoulders. Vega's slap was metaphysically still warm on her cheek, tingling down her face. Though her mind was aware of everything around her, it was slow and groggy, as was her body. Wolfman was speaking to her in hurried tones and words that she could not understand yet. Cammy just shook her head. She finally got the first real comprehensible sentence from Wolfman, more so reading his lips than hearing it.

"I'm here. It's okay. Just rest."

Cammy stuttered as tears welled up in her eyes.

"I-I-I don't understand. What's wrong with me?"

She tried to sit up but her body wasn't listening. The tears broke free, running down her face in hot streams. She tried valiantly again to sit up, this time only succeeding in nearly falling off the couch in Wolfman's office. He caught her before she could fall. Pulling her sobbing form into his arms, he spoke.

"Shhh, the tranquilizer will wear off soon. You woke up way before you should have. Just give yourself time. Shhh, it's going to be okay."

Cammy relaxed in his arms. She didn't know Wolfman could be good at soothing someone, but he was; though it was odd to be sharing a moment like this with him. He was always like a boss. Not her brother figure like Wagner and not a father figure like Guile. Just a friend. A supporting friend. After all, they put their lives in each other's hands on an almost daily basis. She wished it was Wagner here with her though. Wished with all of her heart that it was his comforting words being whispered into her ears. Immediately she felt guilty for it. Wolfman was trying to help her even after what had just happened. He must think she was crazy. Hopefully he'd let her explain. She would never want to kill Juli. She knew Juli deserved to live, more than anyone she understood her without even speaking to her. Cammy knew. She concentrated hard and let her tears dry. She forced herself calm, forced her breathing to slow. Cammy was finally able to speak.

"Is Juli awake yet?"

"Don't worry about her Cammy. Get yourself together right now."

Cammy broke from his arms and stood, without much visible effort, though the effort was enormous.

"I'm together. Is she awake? Does she remember anything?"

Wolfman stood, getting angry.

"Yes, you were right about everything. But the thing you don't understand, the thing you didn't try to grasp, is that we needed her. We needed to break her, not make her better. She's nothing to us now. She doesn't remember a thing. I told her her own god damned name!"

Cammy was careful with her words.

"You-you wanted to keep her like that?"

"Of course. You treat this organization like we're fools just because you have a past involved with Shadowlaw. All of us do. There's no one Shadowlaw hasn't affected in some way. You don't know anymore or any less than any member here. We needed her, the information we could have gained, it's unimaginable."

"I wasn't thinking."

"You don't seem to ever think anymore."

"I know, I know."

"Yeah, we all know Cammy. I'm not so sure anymore about your future with this organization."

--

Tranquil wasn't quite the word to describe Julian's state of mind as he walked down the crowded Los Angeles street. Delirious was closer. Delirious with the feeling of freedom. He laughed at the fact that his eyes had been so sensitive to the bright sunlight that he had gotten a slight headache. He just opened his eyes wider, taking everything in. The pain was good, it was real, and it made all of this real.

Julian stopped suddenly. He knew this was bound to happen. In his life it had happened many times. The familiar pull of God was there, leading him towards a church that was situated on the corner of the street he was on. He stood and stared, the guilt for his actions beginning to rise within him. He pushed them away with the physical effort of squeezing his eyes shut. God left him in the worst of times. His son was dead, seven years of his life was gone, he had paid his debt. Now he was coming into his own and it was what he deserved. Julian felt a presence beside him, he looked and the priest spoke.

"I see need in your eyes."

Julian hardened his look and began to walk away as he spoke.

"Go screw yourself, Padre."


	7. 7 Close To The Flame

_The kiss sweetest  
And touch so warm  
The smile kindest  
In this world so cold and strong  
  
So close to the flame  
Burning brightly  
It won't fade away  
And leave us lonely  
  
The arms safest  
And words all good  
The faith deepest  
In this world so cold and cruel  
  
So close to the flame  
Burning brightly  
It won't fade away  
And leave us lonely_

_HIM- 'Close to the Flame'_

For the second time that week Cammy left MI-6 headquarters fuming with anger. However, this time she happened to have two armed escorts. Wolfman had said in the nicest way possible that he wanted her fired. The bastard. Luckily for her the powers that be had suggested a leave of absence in lieu of her leaving for good. Wolfman agreed. It was totally ridiculous. Right when everything was getting started she was in indefinite leave. They didn't even have her pushing papers. She wasn't allowed on British government property, period. Thus the armed guards. The gates slammed behind her and Cammy jumped. She was utterly alone, literally, physically, and emotionally, and in true Cammy-of-the-past form, she began to cry as she walked towards home. This really hurt her so much. Not the fact that she was practically fired, but Wolfman. If he was really willing to leave Juli under brainwashing just to get to Shadowlaw, would he have done or do the same to her? Would he, given the chance, had left her in that hell? Wolfman hadn't turned out to be who she though he was. He wasn't someone for her to strive to be like, to respect. He was a cold businessman, the same as Bison. He just happened to be working for the right side.

--

Cranky looked at his brand new digital watch. Ten-thirty-seven, and still no sign of her. He didn't know what he was thinking trying to find one woman in all of London. He was never going to find her, especially not in the seedy bars he kept running into. She was classier than all of this. She had been sweet, caring, yet not stupidly so. He saw intelligence in her. Then next bar he approached was the one Cranky decided to be the last. She probably wouldn't be here, but he was already practically at the door. He glided into the small neighborhood pub, roughly bumping into someone. He turned to apologize and saw it was her. He grabbed her shoulders to keep her from leaving, for she hadn't turned to retort from the accidental run in. After being grabbed she turned quickly, pushing his hands away. He melted as time stood still. Her green eyes were glossy, as if she'd been crying. It just made them sparkle. And, oh, was she mad, the rage apparent in her face. Before she could speak, Cranky did.

"I'm sorry about that. Can I buy you a drink?"

Her face changed and after a moment of thought she spoke in that beautiful voice.

"Sure."

Cranky stepped aside and guided her into the bar. After they both received a drink from the bar tender, she spoke again, smiling.

"I'm Cammy White."

He smiled back, sticking his hand out for her to shake.

"Craig Crankurt, but just call me Cranky."

She shook his hand as she questioned him.

"Cranky? Some kind of nick name from you parents?"

Cranky felt his face change.

_The young boy ran quickly about his home, straightening up the mess that a domestic home is never without. The nine year old made sure everything was in its rightful place. Dinner was being handled by his mother in the kitchen. Tonight was special because his dad was supposed to get a promotion. His mother called out to him._

_"Craig!?__ Your dad just pulled up. Get in here."_

_He answered as he smoothed his unruly red hair down._

_"Coming mom!"_

_As the lanky boy reached the kitchen as his father walked in the back door. Just then his feet went against one another and he fell forward, reaching out for anything he could hold on to, out of instinct. He grabbed hold of the table cloth and pulled everything from the table down with him in a loud crash. His mother gasped and ran to help him, but his father pushed her roughly away as he yelled._

_"Leave him there! The fuck up did it to himself!"_

_The boy tried to get up quickly, no weakness, but his father was on him, picking him up by the collar of his shirt. He yelled._

_"You ruined this for me and your mom."_

_His father slapped him roughly in the back of the head._

_"Dumbass kid.__ When are you ever going to stop fucking up?"_

"I'd rather not go by what my father called me. Cranky is a play on my last name, a friend called me it and it just stuck. It's hard to answer to anything else I'm so used to it."

"I understand. So…"

Cammy stirred her drink, forcing Cranky to continue the conversation. A last ditch effort at avoiding an uncomfortable silence made Cranky blurt out.

"Why did you look so upset before?"

He mentally kicked himself for it, but then Cammy answered after she finished the last sip of her drink.

"I lost my job today."

"What was your job?"

She laughed, it was a little uncontrolled.

"I'm a secret agent."

He narrowed his eyes at her before answering sarcastically.

"A secret agent huh?"

"Yeah, what do you do?"

Cranky lied.

"I'm in the Army."

"What rank?"

"I'm just a cadet. But I'm still—"

Cammy interrupted him.

"Where are you from anyway?"

"I was born in America, but my parents are both full Irish."

She smiled.

"As the red hair would entail."

Cranky rubbed his hair which he usually tried to keep short to keep the red less noticeable. That was something he'd forgotten to do in preparation for tonight. He spoke.

"Aw, is it that obvious?"

Cammy reached up and ran her hand through his hair as she spoke in a breathy voice.

"I like it."

--

The door slammed loudly against the wall of the hotel. It was loud enough to wake everyone else on the floor but Cranky didn't care. Caring was the last thing on his mind as Cammy pushed him against the now open door, never breaking their kiss. She was intoxicating. He kissed back, rubbing his hands up and down her back and sides. She held his face in her hands as they kissed, as if he would leave her as soon as their kiss broke. No way in hell was he going to do that. Urging her away from the door, Cranky was able to close it behind them. With the soft click of the door Cammy lifted her shirt off of her body. His breath caught as he looked at her standing there in her bra. She was beautiful. He noticed she had a few scars. Her abdomen held one beside her navel that looked quite old, just a slight discoloration of the skin, maybe a surgical scar. There was a fresh scratch running across the middle of her stomach. But the odd one was actually three, that is scars in a row, as if she'd been clawed by an animal. She felt him staring and he could see her body change, he felt her shame in her posture. He shook his head no.

"You're beautiful."

Practically tearing his shirt off, he stepped towards her, pulling her body in close to his. Her body was hot against his skin, her blonde hair foaming around his arms. She lifted up onto her tip toes and kissed him on the forehead before kissing him deeply on the mouth again. They moved together towards the bed. Their frantic kiss broke as Cammy sat on the bed, leaving Cranky standing. She grabbed at the waist of his pants, fumbling with the buckle and he couldn't contain a moan. Her hands weren't working and she was getting frustrated. Cranky reached to do it himself when realization hit him like a freight train. He grabbed her hands and stopped her from trying to undress him. He spoke, his voice breathy, his previous emotion still there but being over ridden.

"You're drunk."

She retorted.

"I know exactly what I'm doing."

"But you're still drunk. I can't do this."

She stood, bringing her face close to his, and spoke angrily.

"You've got to be—"

She didn't finish her thought as the sudden movement had stirred her body. She stumbled in Cranky and he caught her almost limp body as she mumbled.

"I don't…I'm—I'm going to throw up."


	8. 8 Wicked Games

_The world was on fire, no-one could save me but you   
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do   
I'd never dreamed that I'd need somebody like you   
And I'd never dreamed that I'd need somebody like you _

No I don't _wanna__ fall in love   
(this world is always gonna brake your heart)   
No I don't wanna fall in love   
(this world is always gonna brake your heart)   
..with you _

What a wicked game to play   
To make me feel this way   
What a wicked thing to do   
To let me dream of you   
What a wicked thing to say   
You never felt this way   
What a wicked thing you do   
To make me dream of you

No I don't wanna fall in love   
(this world is always gonna brake your heart)   
No I don't wanna fall in love   
(this world is always gonna brake your hear)t   
..with you

The world was on fire, no-one could save me but you   
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do   
No and I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you   
I'll never dream that I lose somebody like you, no

Now I wanna fall in love   
(this world is always gonna brake your heart)   
Now I wanna fall in lust   
(this world is always gonna brake your heart)   
..with you

Nobody loves no-one

_HIM__ cover of Chris Isaac's "Wicked Games"_

_--_

    Sleep left her as if a dim light was slowly becoming brighter, breaking into her warm shelter of rest. Cammy lay there a while and left her brain come into focus. And it did, quickly, as a headache rolled to the front of her head. Last night's antics came back to her in a flash and she snapped up from the bed. Looking down she found she was still relativity clothed, yet didn't know what hotel she was in. The room was not extraordinary in any well, just a normal room. She supposed she could just call a taxi to get home. It was then that she noticed the man on the floor next to the king sized bed. Faintly she remembered her encounter with him last night; rather the lack of one. He had stopped it. It made no sense. Normally she was an opportunity, no strings attached. Plus she had been drunk. But he hadn't taken advantage of her, and hell, he'd even held her hair while she threw up. Much to her embarrassment. As is on cue, Cranky rolled over, quite uncomfortably looking, and looked at her. He spoke.

"Good morning sunshine."

She was embarrassed and the red on her face showed it as she answered.

"You didn't have to sleep on the floor."

"I didn't want to get puked on…"

His eyes gazed over to his jeans which were balled up in the corner.

"…again."

Cammy couldn't contain her laugh. Cranky smiled at her.

"Now that's a good sound. Is this the real you?"

Cammy pulled her sleep mussed hair from her face, knowing it was probably streaked with sleep wrinkles.

"Sadly, yes."

He squinted his eyes at her and Cammy became consciously aware that the scar on her face must have been extremely visible. She was sure that aside from her make-up being worn off that her face was more than likely gaunt due to her being sick last night. The scar was probably dark brown against her pale skin. She put her hand over the scar and looked away. Cranky stood up and grabbed her hand as he spoke.

"The only thing that is sad is the look on your face when you feel revealed."

Cammy pulled away, agitated by the truth in what Cranky had said. She answered him sharply, covering for her moment of honesty.

"Well I am in my bra you know."

"I'm not talking about that and you know it. You weren't shy when you were pushing me into the hotel room last night or unbuckling my pants."

"I hope this isn't you trying to woo me."

"I don't have to try, baby, I could have had you."

Cammy stood then, looking for her shirt as she attempted to defend herself.

"It's a little early to start being a bastard isn't it?"

Cranky smiled at her, toyed with her in her angered state.

"Say 'bastard' again. I love how it sounds with your accent."

Cammy gave him a look that could kill Medusa as she found her shirt and spoke as she lifted it from the floor.

"You are a bastard."

She began to put her shirt back on but just as she pulled it over her arms, Cranky grabbed her, stopping her. He spoke, his face close to hers.

"I said say 'bastard' not call me one."

Their mouths crashed together into a hard kiss; each one searching for more from the other. This was lust in its purest form. Cammy was overtaken by this man. He was different from the others, she couldn't explain it nor did she have the time or attention span to do so at this moment. When Cranky unbuckled her bra, her arms were still trapped in the twist of her shirt. He ran his hands along her bare back, up her neck and into her hair. It made her skin break out in gooseflesh and she sighed into his mouth. Cranky pulled away from their long kiss and look her in the eyes.

"Are you okay with this?"

Cammy let the twisted shirt and her unbuckled bra fall to the floor. Cranky smiled at her, a mischievous grin that was all man.

"That's the best 'yes' I've ever seen."

He then kissed her so hard that they banged against the wall. She met him with equal fervor, as she began to unbuckle her own pants. Cranky grabbed her hands, but no to stop her this time. He went down to his knees, pulling her pants down with him. Cammy practically fell on top of him then, kissing his face, neck and bare chest all over. Somewhere in between all the kissing, touching and exploring, both Cammy and Cranky has wiggled out of their respective remaining undergarments. Cranky took Cammy around the waist and rolled her to the side so he was above her. The world slowed down for Cammy then and as Cranky pushed inside of her she held tightly to his broad shoulders and held her breath. She had to remember to breathe; in and out, in and out. She pushed with him, almost screaming with every thrust. They both were sweating and moaning with their efforts. In a rush of feelings that encased her entire body, Cammy finished. Cranky tensed with her and they both clung to one another until they were left weak and panting on the carpet.

    Cranky rolled off of her, giving her relief from the weight of his body. He looked at her eyes and her pupils were so dilated that they were almost all black. He figured his might look the same. Once his breaths were coming in regular distance from each other, he spoke.

"Wow."

Cammy nodded.

"Yeah, wow about sums it up."

They both laugh and Cranky pulled her into his arms. His voice became serious as he stroked her cheek with his finger. She pulled his hand away from her face. He spoke.

"When did you get this scar, and the others?"

"I was sixteen."

She tried to leave it at that, but he pushed her.

"How'd it happen?"

Then Cammy did something she'd never even thought of doing before; told the truth about her scars.

"The man who raped me did it. It was a possession thing for him. Like him branding me or something. It's the only one that means something. The others are just from general abuse."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring something like this up. I thought it would be a bike crash or something. I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

He pulled her into his arms, suddenly feeling more protective over her. Her breathing slowed then relaxed as she fell asleep in his arms. He held her closer and decided that after everything that just occurred, he might need a nap.

--

_"Oh weakness thy name is woman!"_

_    Vega made dramatic gestures with his hands, stabbing himself in the heart, as if hurt by her. It was ironic to see him mimic his own death in one of these dreams where he usually held all of the power. He composed himself, pushing his golden hair over his shoulders before he spoke again._

_"You think this man can save your soul? You think that just because you told him one of your secrets and he did not run that you are soul mates? You are even more desperate than I ever believed."_

_She answered him smugly._

_"You don't believe in love at first sight? Really Vega, you of all people I would think believed in it."_

_"Ah, my lovely, but I do. But, and this is a big but, It only occurs once and, well, you have already met me."_

_Cammy had to laugh at his gall before she retorted._

_"You seriously believe we had love?"_

_He walked close to her, rubbing his thumb down the scar on her left cheek._

_"With all of my little black heart."_

_He slapped her face lightly and spoke, bitter now._

_"But you, my dear Camilla, are destruction incarnate. You will destroy this man. If he really does feel for you, it will be his sad little decent into hell."_

_Cammy was becoming angry._

_"And how's your own sad little decent into hell coming, Vega?"_

_He spoke quickly, the resentment in his voice apparent._

_"I am not done yet!"_


	9. 9 When Darkness Falls

_As you walk the path of least resistance   
__Is__ it as simple as you claim it to be?   
Your tongue, your eyes   
Your lies, they do deceive you _

I stand firm in my solidarity   
The path I walk, I walk it with my own resolve   
When darkness falls we are reborn   
Our dream since the fall of man   
We are reborn

My beliefs are not antiquated   
We are the hope   
Silence them all with not just words   
Let resolution be our voice

I stand firm in my solidarity   
The path I walk, I walk it with my own resolve   
When darkness falls we are reborn   
Our dream since the fall of man   
We are reborn

We are the remnant   
We the remnant will silence them all   
We are the faithful   
We the faithful will silence them all

When darkness falls we are reborn   
Our dream since the fall of man   
We are reborn

_Killswitch__ Engage—'__When__Darkness__Falls'_

Cammy would have joined Cranky in the shower except for the fact that she needed to think. He seemed to have the ability to make thinking rationally in his presence an impossibility. At least that is what she perceived after spending the morning and much of the afternoon with him. Cammy was insatiable around him and that's what she had to think about. This had never happened before. After being with all the other men before Cranky, there had been shame, or in the least embarrassment. And the men before them, well those relationships cannot be considered functional in any sense of the word. But now, she felt different, Cranky felt different to her. After her latest dream she knew something was different. Never in one of these dreams had she gotten the better of Vega, or even have the strength to try. None of this made sense. She'd known cranky for all of Twenty-four hours, and for much of that she'd been throwing up or asleep. Maybe that was just it. He'd taken care of her and that was something, no matter how hard it was for her to admit, that she needed. Or maybe she was over thinking all of this. Her deep thoughts were broken by a knocking at the door. Cammy yelled out.

"I'm coming!"

Cammy started to get up from the bed to find her clothes when the door was banged on this time and a voice came through it.

"Open the fuck up Crankurt! We know you're in there!"

Cammy yelled, starting to get scared.

"I'm not dress—"

But it fell on deaf ears. Before she finished the door burst open. Cammy barely had time to cover herself with the bed sheet before there were two men at the foot of her bed with guns pointed at her. There was a long moment where the two men and she traded confused looks. Then one of them broke into a smile as the other spoke in a gaudy British accent.

"Eh Joey, seems 'ole Craig got him a pretty 'lil bird here."

Cammy grabbed for the phone. She didn't know why. She just knew that she wanted to be on the phone with someone she knew when the shit hit the fan. Joey clicked the safety off of his gun and spoke.

"Don't."

The other man strode to the phone and ripped the jack from the wall. Cammy still sat there, playing the innocent lover, giving her face an innocent look. She didn't have any idea what the hell was going on, but she knew it wasn't good, for her or cranky. So she sat there looking as neutral as she could manage; looking as harmless as she could manage. With her long hair tousled from sex and sleep, wearing nothing but a sheet, it wasn't too hard to look harmless.

The bathroom door opened and Cranky just stood there in nothing but a towel. The men yelled and guns pointed at him. He froze in the doorway with steam curling around him, spilling out into the room like clouds. Cranky laced his fingers on the top of his head and took it all pretty calmly. He let the man lead him to the ground, stomach on the floor, gun to his back. Hand cuffs went on. Cranky was amazingly pulled to his knees by his short hair. The towel stayed on. Tough towel. Joey spoke.

"What'd we tell him Chuck?"

Chuck answered.

"We told him to get out of town or else."

Cranky spoke now.

"You gave me until sundown today. What's the rush?"

Chuck looked out the window.

"You going to be gone in ten minutes?"

Cammy opened her mouth to lie, but Cranky spoke first.

"No."

Joey grabbed Cammy by the arm and pulled her towards Cranky. She tripped on the sheet and he dragged her the last few feet. She put most of her effort into clutching the sheet to her chest. Bruises were okay; being naked in front of these men was definitely not okay. Joey half-threw, half-dropped Cammy to the floor beside Cranky. Cranky tried to get to his feet but Chuck hit him in the shoulder with the butt of his gun. Cammy touched Cranky's shoulder as she spoke.

"It's okay Cranky."

Joey just stared down at Cammy as he spoke.

"Leave town now Mr. Crankurt. Leave town tonight."

Cranky started to open his mouth and Cammy squeezed his arm. He'd probably say something stupid like he had a moment ago. Cammy's instincts were kicking in as she spoke.

"He'll leave. You've made your point."

Joey shook his head.

"I think you're lying, bird. I think Crankurt here is planning to stay. I think you'd say anything to get us out of this room right now.

Cranky didn't say anything. _Dammit, just lie!_ Cammy screamed silently. Chuck spoke.

"Hey Joey, we never patted our little bird down for weapons."

Joey smiled, a big, good humored smile.

"No, Chuck. We didn't."

Joey grabbed two handfuls of sheet and dragged Cammy to her feet. He jerked hard enough that she stumbled into him. He locked on arm behind her, holding her against him. Cammy felt more than heard Cranky behind her. She looked back and Chuck had Cranky in a headlock. Joey played with Cranky.

"Don't struggle yet, lover. You haven't seen anything to get excited about yet."

Cammy didn't like the sound of that. Joey grabbed the sheet and tried to tear it out of her hands. She fought him. He stepped back from her, holding the sheet, and yanked. It was hard enough that she stumbled, but kept the sheet. Chuck yelled.

"Stop playing Joey and just do it!"

Joey slid his fingers down the front of the sheet and gave it all he had. It pulled Cammy to her knees in an ungraceful heap but she won. She kept the sheet. It was pissing them off. He grunted in frustration and grabbed her by the back of her head, using her hair to throw her against the bed. She could have pulled away if she wanted to leave a handful of blood and hair in his hands. He held her by the head, putting enough weight on her that it almost hurt. The sheet was pulled down from her back to her waist. Joey jerked it down further, exposing her butt. Cammy started really struggling then. Alarms of all kinds were going off in her head and she was a frightened seventeen year old again. This couldn't be happening. She felt her tough, calm exterior melting away as Joey pulled her arms out from under her chest and spread them to either side of the bed.

When Joey touched her bare back, Cammy made an audible whimper and mentally kicked herself for it. That's what they wanted and she was giving it to them. Chuck spoke as Joey ran his hand lower on Cammy's body.

"This can all stop Crankurt. This can all be over, just leave."

As his hands touched her butt and he went for more intimate places, Cammy couldn't take it. The wrath of an ex-Shadowlaw assassin was about to be had on these men. Using all of her strength she pushed up from the submissive position on the bed, knocking Joey roughly to the ground. Quicker than he could see, Cammy had the sheet back around her and secure and Joey's gun was in her hand. Chuck pushed harder on Cranky as Joey stood and moved behind Chuck and Cranky. He mumbled.

"Stupid bitch."

Cammy felt a million times better and now all she had to deal with was Chuck's gun, now nestled in Joey's hands. She spoke calmly, as if talking down a suicidal person.

"He's leaving town because I'm leaving town with him. Just let us get dressed and we're gone."

Chuck answered.

"You're a cold bitch."

"No, I'm smart. Why would we try and go against you. I'm just protecting myself. I'd be stupid to stay."

"So we're clear bird? You leave town tonight, with him."

"Crystal."

Chuck let go of Cranky, dropping him to the floor. He traded Cammy the hand cuff keys for Cranky's gun and they were gone. As soon as the door shut Cammy fell to the floor, seconds away from hyper ventilating. What could have just happened was bad. Real bad. Cranky's voice semi-brought her back.

"Cammy, I need you to un-cuff me."

Her hands were shaking as she did. As soon as the cuffs were off, Cranky pulled Cammy into his arms.

"You did so good. I'm so sorry. I don't know what I would have done if they hurt you. You're not hurt are you? It's all my fault. Oh my God, please tell me you're okay."

Cammy pulled back from Cranky and spoke shakily.

"What the hell are you into?"


	10. 10 Hollowman

_I can't remember  
The last time you cared about anything  
The last time you allowed yourself to be seen  
so pretentious your lies unrelenting disguise  
Creating tears in your eyes your mind withers and dies  
pretending to be something you are not  
somewhere in the middle you are now caught  
You've never seen who you really are  
No life breathes in you  
All the time you laugh you wait you cry  
No part of your life is true  
All the time your life passes you by  
I don't ever want to see I don't ever want to be like you, Hollow Man  
I don't care what you give  
Hollow man you can't live like this_

Your voice is just a whisper  
You call upon your blank thoughts as you try  
To fit in where you missed her  
You missed the chance to stop living a lie

_Trapt__- "Hollowman"_

_--_

"Shit Jonesy, did you have to kill him?"

The corrections officer who hadn't spoken, known to his co-workers as Jonesy, scratched his head and retorted defensively.

"Glick, I wasn't trying to kill him. It just happened. I had to stop him from escaping."

Glick held his hands out in front of him, defending his judgment while calming Jonesy.

"It's alright, it's all okay. You were just doing your job. He was practically a lifer anyway. There's just a lot of paper work and calls to make now."

"What do we got to do?"

Glick stared digging in a filing cabinet as he spoke.

"He wasn't expecting on dying I guess, so there is probably no will or anything. I guess he's ward of the state unless we find a next of kin."

"He even got a contact person? You know I'm feeling kinda shitty here."

Glick found the file he was looking for and reassured Jonesy.

"You did right, don't worry about it. Hmm, let me see…name: Marquez, Julian; race: Latin American; age: 27; eyes: blue…heh, yeah right, like a woman lying about her weight; hair black…blah, blah, blah. Here we are. There's no next of kin, but he did have a recent visitor. A Mr. Ken Masters."

"So we call him, right?"

Glick's eyes got wide and he shook his head no. Jonesy got the picture and all but panicked.

"Shit Glick. This scum shit was a friend to Ken Masters of Masters Enterprises?! I'm dead, I'm fucking dead as this fuck!"

"Hey! Calm down. I got this, Jonesy. You were just doing your fucking job! This shit would be alive right now if he hadn't tried to escape. I'll handle it. We'll contact Mr. Masters with our heartfelt apologies for overlooking their connection after we bury Mr. Marquez."

--

Cammy waited for an answer from Cranky. He had some drug lords or something after him and she was not about to sit around and play the damsel in distress. What could have happened was bad, really bad and all Cranky could do was sit on the floor with a dumbfounded look on his face. She spoke again.

"What the hell Cranky? Tell me what just happened."

He sighed loudly and finally spoke as he pulled his bath towel back around his waist.

"I'm not in the Army."

"I figured as much!"

"Let me talk dammit!"

Cammy stood, yelling now.

"Well talk! Say something to make up for what just fucking happened!"

"I said sorry. I owe them some money. Well actually a lot of money."

"Well pay them back, what's so hard?"

Cammy began to dress, listening to Cranky's excuse.

"I did pay them back, with some to spare. But that's not what's wrong."

"Well what's wrong?"

"I conned them out of the money, so in addition to being pissed about that, their pride was hurt."

Cammy crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him accusingly.

"You're a con artist?"

Cranky smiled.

"Well I wouldn't call myself an artist exactly."

"Oh my God! You're just a common criminal. Tricking old ladies into giving you their Social Security."

"Hey! I never trick old ladies."

"Just everyone else?"

"Yeah pretty much. I've had a hard life."

"So has everyone else, including me."

Cranky was getting angry. Just who did Cammy think she was pointing the finger at him like that? He stood and began dressing also as he spoke, his anger apparent in his voice.

"You were raped how long ago? You're obviously capable of having sex. I hear the psychological symptoms of rape should only last like three months, and you're still whining. Boo-fucking-hoo. I'm just looking out for number one."

"Don't you belittle me! You have no earthly idea the hell—"

"I don't want to hear any sad slumber party stories. I just want to get my shit and leave."

Cammy laughed. It was sardonic which kind of gave Cranky a chill. She walked towards him as she spoke slowly, picking each word carefully.

"You would piss your pants at even the slightest mention of what I've seen and done."

Cranky didn't like having the upper hand taken from him, especially not from a woman. He answered Cammy, intending on causing as much pain to her as possible.

"I've seen all there is to see…"

He looked her up and down, slowing his gaze on all of the questionable areas of her body before he continued.

"…had all there is to have. And from the looks of it, so have a lot of other guys."

"You bastard!"

"The truth isn't being a bastard!"

Cammy couldn't control her rage. Her movement was instinct more than any thing. She stepped forward and reared her arm back to deliver a sharp slap to Cranky's face. He caught her arm mid air.

_"Momma, why do you let him do this?"_

_The young man stood in the doorway of the bathroom and spoke to his mother who was curled between the bathtub and the toilet. He could hear her tearful sobs turning into dry ones and was hoping to reason with her this time. His father's rage had moved from him to include his mother. Worst of all, while one would think that split attention would make the beatings less severe, they'd only gotten worse. His mother answered his question._

_"I don't let him do anything, Craig. You think I want him to do this to me?"_

_She looked up at him and he could see where she'd tried to wipe blood from under her nose. She hadn't even bothered with the blood on her lip. That was just her face. He knew his father liked to twist arms to their breaking points. He'd had three casts in his lifetime to prove that. He heard his mother mumble under her breath._

_"I wish he'd leave me alone and stick to you."_

_The boy's heart broke. Here he was trying to comfort his mother and she wished her beating upon him. He wasn't a small child anymore. He knew what betrayal was. He spoke in a last ditch effort._

_"Momma, you don't mean that. Please say you don't!"_

_She stood up and walked towards him. He waited for her embrace, her previous disloyalty already forgiven. It never came. Only the all too familiar feeling of pain as his face and body was assaulted by her hard slaps and punches. He was stronger than his mother being he was fourteen and had almost a foot on her. But fighting back wasn't an option. This beating was his last. Tonight he was leaving, for good._

Cranky spoke through clenched teeth as he held Cammy's wrist.

"I'm not your punching bag. Beat on something else before I have to show you how it feels."

Cammy looked at him, a calm overriding the outrage her face held at first.

"Show me how it feels."

Cranky tightened his hold on her wrist and Cammy sprung into action. She twisted free from his hold, which was easy since she had the element of surprise on her hand. Continuing in a circle, she swept Cranky's feet out from under him, knocking him to the ground. Then she went down on one knee with the other leg stretched high into the air, bringing it down on his breast bone. She heard the wind leave his body from the sheer power of her blow. She stood and took a step back as she spat at him.

"Is that how it feels?"

He just looked at her for a moment before he spoke.

"What in the blue hell?"

"Now that the pissing contest is over, how about we figure out a way to get you out of this mess?"

--

Ken Masters remembered once hearing that a child stops waking up in the middle of the night for feedings by age one. They were wrong he thought as he warmed a bottle for his 18 month old son, Mel. Ken took the odd nights of the month and Eliza took the even months. Of course he rarely slept through odd nights. He bitched but in truth he loved every second of it. This is the thing most fathers never experience. But Ken was a determined father; after all he was responsible for this life in his arms. Thankfully Mel could hold his own bottle, though at moments he decided not to, so Ken had a free hand to do whatever else could be done during the hour of feeding. Usually concentrating on backed up paper work, it was like overtime. Though other nights Ken had admit to being an avid QVC shopper and Web surfer. As he turned on his computer screen he noticed a new e-mail blinking. It was from the L.A. County Correctional Facility. Ken was hoping for a early parole hearing for Julian. He didn't think he would last too much longer in solitary confinement. The last time he visited Julian hadn't spoken, hell he hadn't even looked at Ken. He just stayed on his small cot staring at the wall.

Ken opened the e-mail and felt his heart sink. He yelled.

"Eliza! Get in here!"

His outburst scared Mel and he began to cry loudly as Ken sat motionless, dumbstruck by what he was reading. Within moments Eliza was in the room, questioning him.

"What's wrong?"

"Just take Mel, please."

Ken held his son out to his wife, his arms shaking slightly. Eliza quickly grabbed him.

"Ken?"

"Just leave me alone for now."

"I want to help with whatever—"

"Please Eliza!"

She nodded and did what he asked, closing his office door behind her. Ken fell to his knees by his desk, his strawberry blonde hair falling into his tear filled eyes. Julian was someone he considered his closest friend. He was a good man, in jail for turning him self over to the police. A sorrowful wail escaped from Ken's throat as he fell completely onto the floor. Julian was dead.


	11. 11 Take Me

_Take me and let me in  
Don't break me and shut me out _

So take me and let me in  
Don't break me and shut me out

I lit my pain on fire  
And I watched it all burn down  
Now I'm dancing in the ashes  
And theres no one else around  
Cause I wanna be apart of nothing  
This is just a story of a broken soul

As days go by, my heart grows cold  
I can't seem to let this all pass me by

So take me and let me in  
Don't break me and shut me out

I'm burning in the heavens  
And I'm drowning in the hell  
My soul is in a coma  
And none of my friends can tell  
That I'm reaching out and getting nothing  
This is just a story of a broken soul

As days go by, my heart grows cold  
I can't seem to let this all pass me by

So take me and let me in  
Don't break me and shut me out

Don't shut me out…

Does anyone around me feel the same  
Put your fist up and vent your pain  
Does anyone around me feel the same  
Put your fist up and vent your pain  
Does anyone around me feel the same  
Put your fist up and vent your pain  
Does anyone around me feel the same  
Put your fist up and vent your pain

_As days go by, my heart grows cold  
I can't seem to let this all pass me by _

So take me and let me in  
Don't break me and shut me out

Take Me  
Don't Break Me

_Papa Roach- "Take Me"_

Hysterical laughter erupted from Julian's throat as he read the newspaper article in which he'd been pronounced dead. A few passer bys dared a glance in his direction. His father brought the article to him early this morning. He was home free now. There was no way someone would come after him now; they'd be chasing a dead man. He ran his hands through his hair, making sure it would remain slicked back for his meeting. Only a few days out and he was already into the swing of things. His first evening out he made his first deal and it had only continued uphill from there. This wasn't hard. He guessed this really was in his blood.

Julian stood, throwing the newspaper into a nearby trashcan and continued down the street. He'd never felt better in all of his life. All that suffering was just a waste. He should have never turned himself in. If he hadn't things would be perfect, he'd have Dorian. But he couldn't dwell on his dead and gone son, his life was about as near perfect as it could get. As Julian rounded a corner he spotted who he was meeting. Her hair was as black as his, surrounding her oval face and brown eyes. It fell down her shoulders in waves, only adding to her exotic appearance. He spoke.

"Anna…"

She smiled at him and stepped into his embrace. He'd already seen her once and it had been incredible to say the least. After all he'd been in jail for seven years with nothing but men around him. And he's rather die of sexual frustration than be someone's bitch. After whispering some dirty nothings into Julian's ear she dropped some acid right before pulling him into a deep kiss. It was like double the pleasure as her tongue caressed his and coated it with the dissolving LSD. It tingled down is throat in a familiar wave. This was the life.

--

Cammy pulled her keys from her purse and unlocked the door to her flat as they jangled. She could hear Nikita meowing on the other side. She was probably hungry as hell Cammy thought as she felt guilt take over. If she couldn't even take care of a cat, what hope was there for her in other things? Cranky followed her into the flat, laying his duffle bag down by the door. They had got out of the hotel room in record time, mostly attributed to the fact that Cranky didn't have too many possessions. She couldn't believe she was doing this. This man had not taken advantage of her while drunk, taken care of her while she was sick, insulted her, given her the best sex of her life, and then insulted her again. She didn't owe him anything, yet she had the desire to help him. She could have easily been in the same position has him if it hadn't been for Guile and Jane. Not exactly, but damn close. Cranky's voice broke her thoughts.

"Are you going to feed that damn cat?"

"Yeah give me a second."

"Its meowing is driving me insane."

Cammy bent over and picked Nikita up. She instantly stopped meowing.

"Better?"

"Much."

Cammy fed the cat and then returned to her living room to find Cranky on the couch with his head in his hands. She sat next to him and put a hand on his thigh. He spoke, sounding lost.

"I don't know what I am going to do."

"Why didn't you leave town?"

Cranky sat there for a moment then finally answered.

"I saw you earlier yesterday and wanted to find you."

"You stalked me?"

"No, I—well, no. I just was hoping to find you and I did."

Cammy's eyes grew wide with realization. He was the homeless man who she'd given food to.

"You're the man from the street corner, who needed money for food. You conned me?!"

"No, if you recall you gave me food, not money. You didn't fall for my ploy."

"Do I get a cookie?"

Cranky answered her with a wicked smile on his face.

"I'll give you something else."

Cammy couldn't hold her smile. Cranky grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her into a kiss. He was so gentle, taking his time, not like before. He pulled away from her and spoke again.

"Okay, one, why are you helping me, and two, how in the world do you expect to help me?"

"I told you last night, I'm pretty much a secret agent, I've got connections."

"I thought you were bullshitting me."

"I was too drunk not to be honest."

"So what you're like 007 or something?"

"I work for MI-6, a special branch."

He nodded.

"Damn, that's hardcore. I guess it's also how you kicked my ass. But wait, last night you said you were fired."

"It's a temporary leave, kind of like a forced vacation. But with your help I think I might be able to convince my superiors to let me back on."

"So you're talking about spilling everything I know about these guys?"

"Yeah, unless you want to run forever."

Cranky thought for a moment. He had a real kind of life being served to him on a platter by one of the most beautiful women he'd ever seen. Ten years of his life he'd been a petty criminal, homeless, living day by day. Now all in the time span of twenty four hours he had the chance for a real life.

"This means I'll have to get a job."

Cammy laughed.

"Yeah, what are you qualified for?"

Cranky drew close to Cammy, resting his head against her neck. His breath was warm on her neck sending gooseflesh down her body.

"I think what else I can do is illegal too."

Cammy pushed her head down to meet his lips when the phone rang. She heard Cranky curse under his breath as she rose to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Cammy, where have you been?"

Wagner's voice was strained and he was speaking franticly.

"I was out, Wagner what's wrong?"

"I don't know how to say this really, so I'm going to just say it."

Cammy's heart tightened in her chest. Everything that could go wrong in her life flashed before her eyes. Guile, Jane or Melissa could be hurt. Something could be happening with Shadowlaw, or a combination of the two. Fear gripped her as her voice shook.

"What is it?"

"Ken called me a little bit ago, and it's in the paper."

"Dammit Wagner, what is it."

"Cammy, Julian's dead. He was killed while trying to break out of the prison. I'm sorry."

Cammy couldn't speak. She faintly heard Wagner consoling her, saying soothing words, but it fell on deaf ears as she collapsed. Her heart was more on the floor than she was. Julian had saved her life countless times. Now he was dead; with his son. She finally spoke, very quiet, babbling almost.

"What about a Mass? He needs a Mass said. Julian would want a Mass."

"Ken already had it arranged."

"Good. That's really good. I call you back Wagner."

She hung up the phone before he could protest. Cranky came into the kitchen.

"I heard something bang…Cammy!"

She looked up at him and it was as if a flood gate opened as tears burst from her eyes. The phone started ringing again but she ignored it. Cranky was quickly on the floor with her, hugging her tight against his chest. She broke out into a full shaking sob. Cranky stayed on the floor with her, rubbing her hair while she cried. He didn't know what was wrong but he had to do something. She had cared about him and his problems. It was an even trade, right?

"It's okay Cammy. It's going to be okay."


	12. 12 Mad Wolrd

_All around me are familiar faces  
Worn out places, Worn out faces  
Bright and early for the daily races  
Going nowhere, Going nowhere  
Their tears are filling up their glasses  
No expression, No expression  
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow  
No tomorrow, No tomorrow_

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad  
These dreams in which I'm dying, Are the best I've ever had  
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles it's a very, very…  
Mad World, Mad World

Children waiting for the day they feel good  
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday  
And they feel the way that every child should  
Sit and listen, Sit and listen  
Went to school and I was very nervous  
No one knew me, No one knew me  
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson  
Look right through me, Look right through me

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad  
These dreams in which I'm dying, Are the best I've ever had  
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles it's a very, very…  
Mad World, Mad World

Enlargen your world…

Mad World

_Gary Jules --"Mad World"_

_-- _

_ Cammy could hear his voice buzzing through his chest as it vibrated against her ear. His arms enveloped her, rocking her gently back and forth to the rhythm of "__London__Bridge__ is Falling Down". She twisted tendrils of his long, golden blonde hair between her fingers as the last of her sobs erupted from her throat. Vega spoke to her as he continued to rock her._

_"Do you understand what I was saying now? Camilla, you break everything you touch. Julian dared to love you, even more so dared to tell you he did; and look what happened. He is dead."_

_After a pause he spoke again._

_"You loved him?"_

_"Yes, I did."_

_Vega's hair pulled out from her fingers as he shook his head 'no'._

_"It is a shame then."_

_Cammy pulled away from him, meeting his ice blue eyes as she spoke frantically._

_"I didn't mean for this to happen. All I did was care about him. That's all I did!"_

_Tears were welling back into her eyes as she spoke, but she continued on._

_"If I would have known…I don't know! I'd take it all back, everything. I just wish he was still alive. I didn't mean to hurt him."_

_"But you did. Just like you will eventually hurt and destroy Cranky."_

_"No, no, no, no, I couldn't do that to Cranky. He's helped me, I helped him!"_

_"But do you care about him?"_

_"I think I do."_

_"Well there it is then, and I hate you both! You cannot begin to love him, because if you do, it will lead to his destruction."_

_"Then who can I ever love without killing them?"_

_Vega pulled Cammy back into his arms and into the same gentle rocking motion._

_"You already killed me; now you can love me."_

_He began to hum again, slowly and softly, his voice deep and soothing. This time it was the tune, "The Itsy-bitsy Spider"._

Cammy woke, having to wipe fresh tears from her eyes. She didn't remember falling asleep. The last thing she remembered was being in the kitchen with Cranky and crying. Now she was in her bed and it was morning. She got up and went into the living room only to find Cranky asleep on the couch. His body was too big for it. One leg was practically all the way on the floor and an arm dangled over the back of the couch. A blanket covered his torso and face, but Cammy could hear his steady breathing from underneath the cloth. Did she care enough about Cranky to eventually love him? Was it possible to feel this way about someone you just met, no matter the intimacy? He was rude, insulting, crude and irrational. But at the same time he'd proven himself to be caring and compassionate. Standing in the doorway, Cammy realized that none of that mattered now. All the emotional angst could be alleviated, because now she had her proof. Even if she did love him, he could never know. If it was even possible for someone to fall for her anymore, she couldn't let him, or anyone do it. She couldn't be responsible for another ruined life. She was like a poison. As if one cue, Cranky's voice snapped Cammy out of her deep thoughts.

"If I didn't know any better I'd think you had a crush on me the way you were staring. You're not a stalker are you?"

Cammy snapped her head away as she answered.

"Hardly."

He stood wiping sleep from his eyes and followed Cammy into the kitchen. He grabbed her around the waist just as she reached for some orange juice. It made her jump allowing him to pull her against his chest. He kissed the top of her head and spoke.

"Can I have a glass of that?"

Cammy pulled away and grabbed two glasses as she answered.

"Sure."

That was too domestic for her. In fact, all of this was. All Cranky needed was a business suit, a briefcase and the morning paper and Cammy would be June Cleaver, pearls and all. Cranky sat at the table in silence with her for a few moments before he broke it.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just don't do mornings."

"I'm talking about last night and you know it."

"I'm fine. I'll be fine."

"Can I ask what it was about?"

Right there Cammy could have lied, he'd have believed anything she said, but she didn't for some reason.

"A…friend of mine died."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

He grabbed her hand, rubbing his course thumb over her knuckles. She pulled away quickly.

"I'm okay now, really. It was just unexpected and with everything else going on right now I just broke down. Thank you for being there."

"No problem. So…What are you going to cook me for breakfast?"

Cammy cast a death glare Cranky's way before answering.

"One, I don't eat breakfast. Two, I don't cook. And three, I don't cook for you."

"What? You don't eat breakfast? It's—"

"I know, 'the most important meal of the day', blah, blah, blah."

"Well it is."

Cammy held up her glass and finished off the orange juice.

"I drink it."

"You've just never had a real breakfast."

"Maybe not, but there is no time today anyway. We've got to get to MI-6 as soon a possible."

--

The mirror fogged with slight condensation from her breath. Juli held her face close to it, studying herself. _My eyes; these are my eyes. But the rest of me…I'm not the same._ She ran her hands down her face and body. It was a body she didn't remember. But she was herself; she knew that much from being told. She had to be told everything. She was 22 years old. Her last memory was shortly after her 14th birthday, and that matched up to when she'd been told she'd been abducted. She had been kidnapped and brainwashed to be a killer. It was unbelievable but it had to be true. She was healing from a gunshot wound. She had breasts for God's sake, a woman's body! She was a woman. Eight years of her life had occurred in what felt like a blink of an eye to her. The same man who had spoken to her before, Wolfman, entered her hospital room. She met his eyes, her lip quivering. His hazel eyes were soft as he spoke, forcing his voice professional.

"Juli, you should be in the bed."

"I just don't get this."

"I know it's hard. But it's going to be. We have a psychologist here who can help you. You've lost so much time, but what happened is there somewhere. He'll help you adjust."

"I just want to go back. I want to wake up from this bad dream."

"I wish it was a bad dream. But this is going to take some time. And I promise to bring who did this to you to justice."

A voice came from behind Wolfman.

"He says that to all the girls. Next he's going to ask you to join Delta Red."

Wolfman turned to find a woman in the doorway behind him. He was enraged. He turned back to Juli, his expression ready for an apology, but she didn't notice, she could only notice the woman in the doorway. She'd seen her before.

Wolfman stood quickly, pushing a protesting Cammy from the doorway as he spoke.

"No, no, no…we can't do this now. Not yet."

Juli screamed behind him.

"I know her! I know her! Don't take her away! Please, let me talk to her. PLEASE!"

Attendants rushed to calm the frantic ex-assassin as she ran towards the doorway. Wolfman was angrier at Cammy than he'd ever been before as he listened to Juli's pleas softening as the drug she'd probably been given took effect. Cammy hadn't moved since he pushed her from the room and against the opposite wall. She looked behind him at Juli with a shocked expression. He yelled.

"Yeah, you'd damn well better be shocked. Eight years; eight years can come rushing back to her in one instant. It would destroy her mentally!"

Cammy's voice was soft; barely a whisper and she spoke as her head shook slowly side to side.

"No, that's not it."

"What?"

"**_I_** remember **_her_** now."

--


	13. 13 Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

_All the fear has left me now  
I'm not frightened anymore  
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh  
It's my mouth that pushes out this breath  
And if I shed a tear I won't cage it  
I won't fear love  
And if I feel a rage I won't deny it  
I won't fear love  
Companion to our demons  
They will dance, and we will play  
With chairs, candles, and cloth  
Making darkness in the day  
It will be easy to look in or out  
Upstream or down without a thought  
And if I shed a tear I won't cage it  
I won't fear love  
And if I feel a rage I won't deny it  
I won't fear love  
Peace in the struggle  
To find peace  
Comfort on the way  
To comfort  
And if I shed a tear I won't cage it  
I won't fear love  
And if I feel a rage I won't deny it  
I won't fear love  
I won't fear love  
I won't fear love..._

_Sarah McLachlan –"Fumbling Towards Ecstasy"_

Cranky was going stir crazy sitting in this office alone. The office looked basic, like a cop's office, but at the same time it was richly furnished, almost formal. His street instincts told him to get out of here, or in the least search around for something of value to steal. But these were the instincts he was going to have to start fighting if he really wanted this new life Cammy was dangling before his eyes. Now there was an enigma. The woman was simply infatuating. It was like something felt wrong when he wasn't touching her, and with her constantly pulling away from him this morning, everything had felt wrong. He was uneasy. Maybe it was he didn't understand his own feelings for her. Sure, she'd been a great lay, he'd had plenty of those in his lifetime, but it was the other times. It was way she'd offered him help, fully, honestly, holding nothing back. It was the strength he saw in her ready to crack and destroy everything around her. It was how she hid her feelings but wore them on her face. It was her extremes. It was simply her. She was in his head and wouldn't get out.

Suddenly the door to the office burst open. Cranky popped to standing in an instant, mostly to cover the fact he'd been briefly frightened. A large man barreled through the door with Cammy in tow. He met Cranky's gaze and dropped Cammy's wrist as he moaned.

"What now?"

Cranky stepped forward trying to ignore Cammy rubbing her wrist behind this man and held his hand out.

"Craig Crankurt. I'm assuming you're Colonel Wolfman?"

Wolfman shook Cranky's hand and dropped it as he looked back at Cammy, who instantly started to explain.

"Colonel—"

He yelled.

"NO! No, no, no, NO! You get out and I'll deal with this."

Cammy protested gently but soon the door was slammed in her face and locked. Cranky was alone with a very angry Colonel. After a moment, Wolfman motioned for him to sit down as he himself, took a seat. Wolfman then spoke.

"So to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I need your help."

"Join the club."

"No. I mean, I have to confess."

"Then go to the police, I don't have any time for this."

Wolfman stood to leave the room and Cranky blurted.

"It has to do with Shadowlaw!"

Wolfman stopped in his tracks. Cranky hadn't wanted to reveal that he knew he was dealing with the organization, but knowing very well what MI-6's purpose was, he knew it'd get his point across. Wolfman spoke slowly.

"What do you know?"

"Names, places, you know, all the good stuff."

"And what do you want in return?"

"Protection."

"Not immunity?"

"I haven't done anything illegal, at least not to the good guys."

"Which means you…"

"They gave me ten thousand dollars to close a deal with some weapons traders."

"And you?"

"Kept it."

"You do need protection."

Wolfman looked lost in thought for a moment before he began again.

"What is Cammy to you?"

Cranky was nervous for a moment before he laughed it off.

"I don't know really. You see—"

"Say no more. Did you tell her it was Shadowlaw you were involved with?"

"No, why?"

"Whatever you do, don't tell her."

"Ooookay. Anything else?"

"Yeah, I'll have to have an official documented meeting with you to get all these names and places. I'm assuming you are staying with Cammy, so just stay put. I'll contact you through her."

"Sounds good."

He stood and Cranky followed suit. Wolfman pulled a file out of a drawer behind him and handed it to Cranky.

"One more thing Craig."

"Yeah?"

"Treat her right."

Wolfman left the room and Cranky heard him giving Cammy directions. He looked at the file Wolfman had given him before he tucked it into his bag. It was labeled Camilla White.

--

_"Oh God!__ Please, you've gotta help me!"_

_ Tears fell from her eyes with every syllable she screamed as she pulled away from the man who had her in his grips. He was just too strong. She was pulling towards the girl she saw; the only person who looked as if she had a soul. It was total intuition, but Juli knew, like herself, this girl didn't belong here. This girl wasn't one of them. Yet there she stood, rigid and cold, green eyes unmoving and uninterested as she looked on. The man holding Juli spoke to the girl._

_"She struggles much the same way you did, Camilla."_

_Camilla didn't react physically, but her eyes changed before they shifted away. That slight breach in emotion was the last thing Juli saw before the blue light ended everything._

Juli woke on the floor of her room, or her prison. She was sweating and panting loudly. Had she been screaming out loud? It didn't matter; she had a name now. They'd have to believe her. Camilla. Someone here had seen her then. Someone here had to know exactly what had happened to her. Everyone had been saying that she had to remember, that she was the only one who knew what happened. But Camilla was there. Juli saw her, Camilla had seen her. Nothing else mattered right now except talking to Camilla.

--

Cammy didn't speak to Cranky the entire walk home. Her mind was overflowing with new memories. Just when she thought she had remembered everything, something like this happened. Her dream had been right on. She had been involved with Shadowlaw at the same time as Juli. Briefly, but still, they had crossed paths. Cammy wanted to cry knowing she had stood there while a little girl was victim to the same cruel fate as she herself was. For God's sake, Juli had been screaming for help! Cammy had screamed for help. Just when she thought something was coming together in her life, it all fell apart. Julian was dead, her job was on the rocks, and she was falling in love with a man she couldn't have.

The very same man who Wolfman had told her to not take her eyes off of. Cammy didn't understand such caution for a petty thief in trouble with some thugs, but Wolfman was the boss. The bad news… Cranky was getting under her skin. She liked him around and hadn't noticed that he'd been holding her hand for the past four blocks. She was compelled by her better judgment to pull away, but didn't. It was comforting; it felt right, even though she knew it was wrong. It was wrong to condemn a man like Cranky to loving someone who would destroy him. His voice broke her thoughts as they approached her front door.

"Okay, so what's going on?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"You haven't said a word to me."

"Do I have to talk?"

"No, but you usually do."

"Well I just had a fight with my boss. I always have a fight with Colonel Wolfman."

Cammy pushed past Cranky and into her apartment. Cranky followed close behind speaking.

"Don't worry about it. You're back in good with him, right?"

"I think so."

"So there you are. All you can do now is relax."

"Relax? I don't think I've ever relaxed a day in my life."

"Well there's not a better time than the present."

Before she could protest, Cranky had scooped her into his arms and laid her across the couch. He took her shoes and socks off and placed them by the door as he questioned.

"Can I call out for food?"

Cammy nodded. Cranky left the room to order and came back without his shirt on. Lust flooded Cammy instantly. She attempted to stand, to avoid him at all cost, but he softly pushed her back down and sat with her feet in his lap. He chided her.

"I told you to relax."

"I am relaxing."

Cranky narrowed his eyes at her before he spoke.

"Then close your eyes."

She did as he asked and he began rubbing her feet. He jumped a little at his initial touch but soon relaxed and he could feel the tension leave her. He'd never been this intimate with a woman. It had always been wham-bam-thank you ma'am. But he wanted Cammy; all of her, from her toes to her head. After a few more minutes he dropped her feet and crawled across the sofa, across Cammy. Her eyes were still closed and Cranky spoke as he touched her cheek.

"Open you eyes."

They were so green and showed into her soul. She'd never be a good liar with eyes like these. But Cranky didn't want a liar, he wanted her. He stared at her for a long moment, feeling his coarse fingers on her soft cheek. Finally she spoke.

"Just kiss me."

His instinct was to fall into the kiss like a madman starved for water. But he held on to his emotions and gently pressed his lips to hers. His restraint proved worth it when he heard Cammy sigh softly. As their kiss deepened Cranky held her face to his and she rubbed her hands down his back creating a sensation that sent shivers down his spine. Cranky broke their kiss only to look at her face again and see her eyes, now laced with a lust he was sure was reflected in his own eyes. He wanted her, all of her, badly.

Cammy could hardly breathe as she looked up at Cranky. His light green eyes told her exactly what he wanted to do to her, yet he was being gentle, waiting for her signal. A signal her better judgment told her not to make. _Screw my better judgment._ She'd deal with not falling in love with Cranky tomorrow morning. Right now nothing could stop her. No amount of tormenting thoughts of unrequited love could stop her. She spoke.

"I want you Craig Crankurt."

His smile was all the answer she needed. Within a few moments, both had stripped out of their respective clothing and returned to their previous position, now nude. Cammy reached up and pulled Cranky's into a kiss. He adjusted his body and pushed inside of her, never letting her break their kiss. Cammy heard the doorbell ring, but again Cranky didn't let her break the kiss. When she finally managed to he was still moving inside of her. She was hardly able to pant.

"The door…dinner…"

He answered.

"Don't leave me now. Everyone leaves me."

That was it. The door was forgotten along with everything outside of their love making. Cammy wanted to touch every part of his body but couldn't with just two hands. They held tight to each other, increasing their pace.

Cranky gave himself to Cammy with an intensity he'd not given a woman before, burying himself deep inside her only to pull out slowly and thrust again. His entire world, his every breath and heartbeat, was focused on the woman in his arms. They peaked together, in perfect rhythm with each other. Before he could stop himself, Cranky sighed into Cammy's ear.

"I love you."

Thankfully she answered.

"I love you, too."


	14. 14 Shadows

_Look around and tell me what you see, a place  
Surrounded by the hate that hides in the  
Shadows inside of you, inside of me, what can we  
Ever hope to see if we're not looking don't you  
Want to find your own way home again just leave  
Your hate behind_

When will you learn to just be you, find your  
Own way  
When will you learn to follow through, make  
Your own way

Looking for something to believe, i find the  
Answer starts with me each time i follow inside  
Of you, inside of me, what can we ever hope to be  
If we're not trying don't you want to find your  
Own way home again, just leave your hate behind

Find another way to get inside me  
Find yourself  
Don't you want to find your own way home again  
Just leave your hate behind.

_12 Stones- "Shadows"_

_--_

_ Sweat poured down Julian's face in rivets, stinging his eyes as it flowed into them. He wanted so bad to squeeze his eyes shut, to stop running from this unseen enemy and rub the sweat from them so he could see clearly. He couldn't be blind, especially when so much was on the line, but he also couldn't stop running. He had to use his brain, his logic. His emotions would get him nowhere. He had to see exactly what was going on. All his emotions had ever brought him was pain. His eyes were in pain, but he had to keep running, that much he knew for sure. His lungs burned with each breath he took and the road before became blurrier with each step. Finally with much conscious effort, he gave in, he shut his eyes and ran in darkness his breaths and steady steps his only companion. He was trusting that he'd end up somewhere safe, trusting that his emotions could lead his life._

_ Suddenly the overwhelming urge to run ceased and Julian stopped. He opened his eyes to take in his surroundings. He was in what looked like an old stone cemetery vault. It had rows of drawers containing what he figured to be human remains. There were several rows of pews centered in the open area of the vault. This is where he saw the little boy, crying. The boy stared forward, tears running down his face, but he looked calm, serene even. Julian spoke to him._

_"What's wrong?"_

_The boy shook his head and spoke, sniffling._

_"You wanna play with me?"_

_Julian nodded and before he knew it the boy jumped up from the pew. He hit Julian and the shoulder as he shouted._

_"You're it!"_

_As he ran to find a hiding place within the vault Julian laughed to himself before counting to ten and searching for the boy. He could hear the boy trying to stifle his giggles from under the pew nearest to him. Julian pretended not to be able to find him and went on a fake search for the boy. After a short while, Julian came to his knees by the pew the boy was under. He leaned his head over, ready to scare the boy. He yelled._

_"Gotcha!"_

_The boy jumped his face full of excitement as he squealed in delight. He reached forward and grabbed the sides of Julian's face, kissing him in an act of pure love. After the light peck kiss Julian looked at the boy's face only to find the image of Christ staring back at him._

Julian snapped awake in one swift movement. His breaths were coming in quick, short pants and the bed sheets were crumpled around him in a sweaty heap. Anna stirred beside him as she moved her hand up his bare thigh. He quickly slapped it away as he yelled.

"Stop!"

She opened her eyes at his harsh command and sat up, her face showing tired concern. Julian only stared forward trying to make sense of his dream, and even more so trying to figure out just what day or time it was. Anna placed her hands on his chest and pulled herself so she was able to straddle his lap before she spoke.

"Baby, don't be worried. You said yourself last night that it's been a while since you dropped acid. You're just getting readjusted. It's just night sweats."

Julian nodded but that was the only part of his body that moved. Anna began kissing on his neck, licking a line down his collarbone to his chest, where she placed more kisses. That had to be it. It was just his mind acting funny. Hell, he'd had strange dreams a lot of times, especially after taking LSD. Anna began moving her body above Julian's, insinuating what she wanted from him. Julian moaned and moved with her for a moment as he kissed her full on the mouth. The tangled sheets impeded any real contact, the contact which his body stirred for. Then he stopped as if a bucket of cold water had been poured on him. Anna was still reaching and pawing for him as he lifted her body off of his and rose from the bed. She spoke.

"What's wrong?"

He spoke to her as he picked his previously discarded clothes up from the floor and began dressing.

"I've got a lot to do today, a lot to do for the next few months now. I don't have time to deal with any distractions."

He ran his hand through his short cut hair and left Anna's apartment. Her voice followed him.

"Distraction!?! Mother fucker!"

He let the door slam behind him and he smiled to himself, his blue eyes sparkling like a college frat boys. Oh yeah, he was back for real now.

--

Cammy woke to her stomach turning. It was unusual for her to be hungry in the morning but after last night she figured that her body might need some replenishment. She and Cranky made love well into the night, countless times, each time as intense as the other. She rolled over to cuddle Cranky close to her and found him gone. It was then she finally opened her eyes and let reality hit her. She let the smells and sounds register into her mind. Bacon, eggs, biscuits, dishes clanging; Cranky was cooking her the breakfast he'd doted on yesterday. She couldn't hold her smile as she put a robe on and made her way into the kitchen. He was standing over the stove in only boxer shorts as he placed food on two plates. Cammy cleared her throat to get his attention. He turned, picking up the two plates and smiled. There was what looked to be flour on his face and what looked to be a grease burn on his abdomen. Cammy laughed as she spoke.

"That's what you get for cooking without a shirt on."

Feigning innocence, Cranky handed her a plate as her stomach turned again. He spoke.

"This is a real American breakfast; I know you'll love it."

Cammy took the plate. She hadn't ever realized herself to be a breakfast person, but her stomach was growling like she hadn't eaten in days. Suddenly a wave of queasiness hit her and Cammy let the plate crash on the floor as she turned on her heels and ran for the bathroom. Cranky called out to her. She made it just in time to vomit up the small amount of food that was in her stomach. Kneeling on the floor of the bathroom, Cammy heard Cranky come in behind her. He placed a large glass of orange juice on the sink and sat next to her as he spoke.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm so sorry Cranky. You put so much work into that and I ruined it. I guess I really can't handle food in the mornings, no matter how good it is."

"And mine is the best."

Cammy felt herself about to cry, her face probably giving it away because Cranky quickly spoke up.

"It's okay, really. I cook all the time, I like it. Besides, I didn't drop my plate, so I get to eat."

Cranky helped her from the floor and she grabbed her glass of orange juice.

"Thanks Cranky, for this, and last night."

He put his arm around her as they headed towards the kitchen.

"Oh last night was my pleasure."

--

"I don't need to tell you I am weakened, Sagat."

The overly tall Tai man bowed his head and answered M. Bison.

"Yes sir, I understand. But I also know that putting this much of Shadowlaw's activities into sister companies' care cannot be good."

Bison bashed his fist on the arm of his chair as he yelled.

"I have no other choice! The explosion of our base of the American West coast weakened our reserves, and the battles there weakened me!"

Sagat noted that Bison's breaths coming in short gasps and sweating profusely. Maybe something really was wrong with his long time Master. Despite being obviously weakened even more from this confrontation, Bison continued.

"I've now lost two of my Dolls. My personal army is lacking. I need the help."

Sagat bowed his head again, suddenly strangely sorry for the dictator.

"Perhaps another tournament could help restore your power?"

"The time isn't just right for a tournament just yet. Especially after the disaster that was the last one. Before the tournament I must regain something that is rightfully mine."

"Juli?"

"She is expendable; not one of a kind. No, this something is once in a lifetime."

"The Shadow Technology."

Bison nodded as he continued.

"Our former ally Umbrella Cooperation had discovered the boy to be alive. They already failed to commandeer him. We won't suffer such failure. But first, we need the funds. One step at a time, Sagat; one step at a time. For now we wait."

Sagat had mentioned the Shadow Technology it before the facts behind it even re-registered. He well remembered Dr. Feng's only son Kenneth and the hell he was put through at only six years old. The technology was embedded into the boy's body and could only be utilized using the boy; it could not be removed. Bison didn't know of the fact that when Sagat had discovered the boy alive after the battle following the Alpha tournaments he'd left him under the care of Ken Masters. Bison hadn't known Kenneth to be alive at all. Sagat knew the young American was not lacking in funds and had seen the man care for the boy. He was hoping Bison would think it a lost cause, but it seemed he hadn't forgotten about the raw untapped power within Kenneth Feng. The teenager probably didn't realize the danger that was now about to come to him and everyone who he holds close.


	15. 15 HeartShaped Box

_She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak  
I've been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks  
I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap  
I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn back_

Hey! wait!  
I've got a new complaint  
Forever in debt to your priceless advice  
Hey! wait! (alt: hate! haight!)  
I've got a new complaint  
Forever in debt to your priceless advice

Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet  
Cut myself on angel's hair and baby's breath  
Broken hymen of your highness I'm left black  
Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back

Hey! wait!  
I've got a new complaint  
Forever in debt to your priceless advice  
Hey! wait!  
I've got a new complaint  
Forever in debt to your priceless advice  
Your advice.

_Nirvana- "Heart-Shaped Box"_

As he nervously pulled on his fingers, Cranky again found himself in Colonel Wolfman's office, except this time Cammy sat beside him. He hated himself for being nervous, but hell, it wasn't everyday he ratted on an evil terrorist crime syndicate. Of course his nervousness could have been attributed to the fact that it wasn't everyday he said, 'I love you' to someone. So what if he was scared? He had regretted it the moment the words came out of his mouth and even more so when Cammy repeated them to him. Love wasn't a concept Cranky liked. It always brought betrayal and pain. The only person he had dared to love since the day he ran away from his parents at fourteen was little Kenny. The kid had just been so damn cute and innocent and Cranky had proven to be a bleeding heart. Before he knew it, Kenny was like the little brother he'd never had. But even Kenny, through no fault of his own, had been taken away.

He cut his eyes to Cammy who sat beside totally comfortable and un-nervous. He found it odd that she, having worked with Delta Red, didn't know it was Shadowlaw he was dealing with. Or why Colonel Wolfman had told him not to tell her. Surely she would have to know. Then he remembered the file Wolfman had given him and made a mental note to read it. There was a reason Wolfman gave it to him, and Cranky was going to find out.

The door to the office opened and a seemingly different man entered. It was Colonel Wolfman but if Cranky hadn't met him yesterday he wouldn't have believed it. The professional looking man was gone and had been replaced with a biker. Wolfman's long hair, which had been tied back, was now only held with a bandanna. But most of all, he looked tired. Wolfman immediately put his attention on Cammy, leaning over and whispering something into her ear. She stood, squeezing Cranky's hand before she left. He shifted his eyes downward until Cammy was out of the room. Colonel Wolfman spoke.

"This is a big deal."

"I know."

"No, it's a bigger deal than even I thought."

He dropped a huge pile of file folders on his desk and spoke again as he sat down across from Cranky.

"You said it was Shadowlaw you were dealing with?"

"Yes."

"I didn't believe you. If there's one thing we at Delta Red know, it's Shadowlaw. They don't play around. It's not like them to do things like this…and sorry to say, leave someone like you alive to tattle."

"What are you trying to say?"

"We were both right. It is Shadowlaw in the sense that they are the backers of all of this. They are using smaller companies. I just don't know why. Those weapons you were supposed to pay for, well, when the money wasn't there they were stolen and all of the traders were killed."

"Killed!"

"Or cut in half with machine guns, whichever you prefer."

Cranky suddenly felt as if he were on trial as he replied.

"You think I knew that would happen!"

"I never said that, but you are quick to defend yourself."

"I had nothing to do with that. I even gave the money back."

Wolfman was surprised by that.

"You didn't tell me that yesterday."

"I didn't think it mattered. All I knew was that they were still in for me even though I returned the money. Does it matter?"

"Everything matters with them. They probably would have killed you if you did go to make the deal. I have a feeling they don't give two shits about the money. Now I'm sure they want you dead."

"Me? What do I matter in the scheme of all of this?"

"Exactly what's going on right now. You have information and you're giving it to the authorities. I'm sure they didn't vouch on you meeting Cammy. They probably didn't know what she was when they found you two together."

Cranky's face went red.

"She told you about that?"

"I had to get her side. I don't trust people off of the street, and Cammy knew that. So she told me everything."

"I feel you. So why's this such a big deal?"

"Because, if Shadowlaw is hiring out others to do their work, something has gone wrong and we need to strike. I need you to tell me everything from beginning to end."

-

"Ms. White, do you understand what I am saying?"

Cammy snapped form her daze just in time to mutter softly.

"Huh? Oh can you repeat that?"

She couldn't help but let her mind wander; this was a big deal after all. Wolfman said Juli had been asking for her all night. Well actually she'd been asking for Camilla. That meant Juli had remembered something. The staff psychologist spoke again.

"I said that this meeting isn't for you. It's for Juli."

"Yes, I understand. I'll answer any questions for her I can."

The psychologist stood before speaking.

"I'll bring her in."

Cammy couldn't sit any longer. She stood and paced the room for what felt like hours but what in reality was only minutes. In all of her life she never thought she'd meet someone who she could relate to so closely. But she had to remember Juli was worse off than her. Juli had lost eight years of her life and had no family, blood or not, to help her through. Cammy would help her.

The door opened and Juli entered, shutting it behind her. For a long moment they stood still, staring at one another intently. Finally Juli spoke in a shaky voice.

"You're Camilla."

Cammy nodded before she answered.

"Yes, but call me Cammy. No one has ever called me Camilla."

"Except for Vega."

Cammy was nearly floored. She regained her composure before she spoke again.

"He was the only one."

"Was?"

"I killed him."

Juli walked across the room and took a seat as she spoke.

"Good…that's real good."

Cammy went and sat next to Juli.

"So…you remember me?"

"Yeah, I've had dreams and you were in them. Is it how it happened with you?"

"Yeah, I've had a lot of dreams but I've also had memory flashes."

"Like when something suddenly causes you to remember something?"

Cammy nodded. Juli sat there for a moment as if she was collecting her thoughts then looked up at Cammy with tear filled eyes.

"Does it ever stop?"

Cammy grabbed the sides of Juli's face and lied.

"Yes."

Juli smiled and after wiping the tears from her face spoke.

"How long have you been out? I remembered you being captured after killing Robert Sellers, but I have no sense of time really."

"You remember than much?"

Juli nodded as Cammy continued.

"I've been out a little under eight years."

"Oh."

"But I've been fighting to free you and others like us since then."

"And I'm the first one you saved?"

"Yes, and that was only by luck."

"Bison holds us close."

Cammy shook her head in agreement.

"He doesn't like to lose us."

"You say it like he cares about us."

"Juli, after I was rescued he tried to have me killed countless times and he's even come after my family."

"What is it, pride?"

Cammy stood and faced away from Juli as she answered.

"We are an integral part of his organization. We know the ins and outs and all that goes on, basically a walking filing cabinet full of evidence. We're a danger to him if we get our memories back. I've proven it."

Juli spoke sounding much like Cammy herself did upon discovering a way to get revenge on Shadowlaw.

"So you remembered and used it against Shadowlaw?"

Cammy smiled to the blank wall, her face hidden from Juli. She kept her voice sympathetic as she answered.

"Yes."

"Can I do this too?"

-

"I want the base in England secured as soon as possible."

Bison spoke urgently to Marquez as the older man cowered under him.

"I can't. Everything is way behind stateside. I cannot afford it."

Bison was waiting for another procedure, the fourth this year, and Marquez was trying his patience.

"I'm keeping the boy alive am I not? Perhaps you want all this over so you can go back to how it was?"

"No! No, leave Dorian be, please."

"Alright then, I'll say it again. Secure the England base or he dies. I don't care how you do it, just get it done."

"Yes."

A doctor nodded at Bison, signaling that they were ready and Marquez took his leave. Of all the groups he'd hired out the Latin Kings had proven to be the most profitable mostly attributed to the fact that he didn't give them anything. He had Dorian Marquez's life hanging in the balance; Marquez's precious grandson. And best of all, the boy's father thought he was dead. It was like killing two birds with one stone. He got his revenge on Julian and power over his father and in turn the Latin Kings.

The doctors prepped his arm with and alcohol swab and a rubber tie. Just because he was inhumane didn't mean he wasn't human. Bison took in the pain of the initial injection with rapture and slowly relaxed as the IV dripped a combination of chemicals into his body. Pain made him real again, not a weakling with a deteriorating body. That's why the pending tournament and the redevelopment of bases around the world were so important. That's why the Shadow technology was so important. Dr. Feng thought he was developing a device to create a new, elite army for Shadowlaw, but it was also, secretly, to keep Bison, himself, alive. This was the very reason that Dr. Feng had backed out of the project and tried to hide the results. With the Shadow Technology, he'd be unstoppable. For now he was weak, dependent on others for his very survival, but not for long. After the tournament he'd be strong enough to regain control over the Shadow Technology and handle the transfer of it from Kenneth Feng to him. Then he alone would control existence, outlive existence. God be dammed.


	16. 16 Running Out of Pain

_As he raises his hand you begin to understand  
That no love is worth the hate that you feel  
Now you're running out of pain  
And all these feelings feel the same  
So you close your eyes and wish it all away _

And I lie awake and I try to say  
Anything I know just to ease your pain  
But you hide away where no one can see  
And it's only you that can set you free

Now the time has come again  
So you reach deep down within  
To find the strength that you have buried there  
As you turn to walk away you can still hear him say  
You'll never make it in this world alone

You try to fight (you try to fight)  
You hide the pain (you hide the pain)  
You walk away (never again)

_12 Stones "Running Out Of Pain"_

_-_

Wiping condensation off of her bathroom mirror, Cammy looked at herself seriously as she began to braid her hair. _Keep your head on straight._ Her reflection was still somewhat clouded as she stared. The next few days were going to be huge. Bison was weak; Juli had clearly recalled that fact to her. Juli had even remembered him going through radical and bizarre procedures at his weakest points, which had been coming more and more often. The time to strike was now, while he was down, while he was weak like a child. _Like me and Juli were_ she thought bitterly. Delta Red was meeting at 0500 hours to go over mission procedures. She had this evening to prepare, but had yet to tell Cranky. He'd left her alone to shower while he grabbed a bite to eat. Cammy couldn't imagine eating, just the thought of food made her queasy. But that was usual for her before big missions. All she was really worried about now was Cranky not freaking out. This was her job after all. Yet every time she got close to someone, something happened to screw it up. All her old wounds were still raw. She wasn't too sure what she felt for Cranky, but she somehow knew she couldn't take being hurt by him. He'd just have to understand.

Cammy sighed and left the safe solitude of the bathroom to tell Cranky about the mission. He stood waiting for her in the living room. Immediately he came towards her and pulled her into a tight hug. Cammy laughed as she spoke.

"I was only gone for twenty minutes."

Cranky pulled away slightly from the hug and grabbed the sides of her face before he kissed her. It was soft and sweet. He took a care in the kiss that Cammy had never felt before. Her stomach became tight with need for him. He pulled away, letting his hand linger on the scar on her left cheek and smiled as he spoke.

"I'm not allowed to miss you?"

Cammy felt guilty all of the sudden. She stepped forward and kissed him lightly on the forehead. She had to tell him, it was now or never.

"I got my job back."

"So it worked?"

"Yeah. You know, it's like with newspaper reporters…we got a lead and now we've got to follow it."

"What's with the analogy?"

"Cranky, I know you're not stupid and I'm not going to treat you like you are. You've seen me…the scars, the gashes, the bruises…you know what my job entails."

"Yeah, so you're back to work. Big deal."

"That's the thing, it is. There's a really big mission leaving at five o'clock in the morning tomorrow.

"Big as in?"

"We're launching an assault on the terrorist organization, Shadowlaw."

His eyes grew wide suddenly before his entire face went stern. He spoke.

"No."

"No what?"

"You're not going."

Cammy laughed as she pulled away from him.

"I'm not going huh? And you're going to stop me?"

Cranky grabbed her wrist tightly and spoke.

"Yes."

They stood like that, with him holding her wrist, for a long moment before Cammy roughly pulled her arm away, making her strength apparent.

"You have no right to say that."

Cranky yelled.

"God dammit Cammy, they're going to hurt you again!"

Cammy whispered.

"Again?"

Cranky kept his face firm but his eyes gave way to hid guilt as he spoke.

"Don't you see I care about you?"

"No, no. Don't pull that. What did you mean again?"

Cranky shifted his eyes to a folder on the coffee table and Cammy quickly grabbed it. Upon opening it she discovered it was her file. Everything that had ever been documented about her was here. She felt her anger rising as she read through the documents. After she finished, she closed the folder calmly and looked at Cranky. He spoke.

"I don't want Vega to hurt you again."

"He can't."

"You're not invincible."

Cammy roughly threw the folder at Cranky's head. Papers flew everywhere as she yelled.

"He _can't_ hurt me because I killed him! I stabbed him in his black heart and felt his blood on my hands. I watched the life drain from his face and felt happy. Oh God, I was happy! Did my file tell you that, Cranky? You didn't think you knew everything about me just from reading that file did you? Did you think that this folder, these pages, held everything?"

Cranky was silent a moment before he answered.

"Of course not. But it doesn't change the fact that, in your case, this is too dangerous. Vega isn't the only one who harmed you."

Cammy crossed her arms across her chest.

"So you know it all now, huh? Well tell me this, what about the other eleven girls this happened to? Do we just leave them to the dogs? Let them live in that hell?"

Cranky rubbed his hands down Cammy's shoulders as he spoke.

"No, but why does it have to be you?"

"Have you ever been driven to do something? It's like you have to do it, no matter what it takes. I owe it to them."

"You don't owe anyone anything."

"Don't I?"

"No."

"I don't know what in your life has led you to think that, but I'm sorry for you."

"Then don't go, please. Stay with me."

"I'm going and once this is through I'll be here. I do care about you and I know you care about me. So you can either stay with me here tonight and deal, or you can leave."

"You asked me if I knew what it was like to be driven to do something. You're that for me, Cammy."

"If you can just wait until I finish this, I'll be here. I'll be who you need; I'll be there for you."

"No one has ever been there for me. Thanks for reminding me of that. I've always been fine on my own."

"Cranky…"

Cranky spoke as he turned around, heading for the door.

"And you, Cammy…you'll never make it in this world alone."

Cammy stood in shocked silence as the door slammed behind Cranky. She felt tears welling up in her eyes but forced her jaw tight. She was strong and had been doing fine with life on her own. He was the one who came in and screwed everything up. Kneeling down she began to pick up the papers from her file as a sob escaped from her throat. Suddenly she felt nauseated and ran for the bathroom. There was nothing in her stomach to throw up. So she dry heaved, her tears being the only things that fell into the water.

-


	17. 17 Duality

_Push my fingers into my eyes...  
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache...  
But it's made of all the things I have to take...  
Jesus, it never ends, it works its way inside...  
If the pain goes on...  
Aaaaaaaah! _

I have screamed until my veins collapsed  
I've waited last, my time's elapsed  
Now, All I do is live with so much fate  
I've wished for this, I've bitched at that  
I've left behind this little fact:  
You cannot kill what you did not create  
I've gotta say what I've gotta say  
And then I swear I'll go away  
But I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise  
I guess I'll save the best for last  
My future seems like one big past  
You'll live with me 'cause you left me no choice

I push my fingers into my eyes  
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache  
If the pain goes on,  
I'm not gonna make it!

Pull me back together  
Or separate the skin from the bone  
Leave me all the Pieces, and then you can leave me  
alone  
Tell me the reality is better than dream  
But I found out the hard way,  
Nothing is what it seems!

I push my fingers into my eyes  
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache  
But it's made of all the thing I have to take  
Jesus, it never ends, it works its way inside  
If the pain goes on,  
I'm not gonna make it!

_Slipknot –"Duality"_

Cammy watched her hand sink into the comforting feel of Nikita's soft, gray fur. The cat laid in her lap, purring softly, a welcome consolation after dealing with Cranky early in the evening. Sleep had proven to be impossible and so Cammy had spent the night relaxing and preparing mentally for tomorrow, or rather, today. She had called Guile and Wagner, something she had made a habit to do before missions. Apparently Colonel Wolfman had contacted every group from the American military to Interpol and told him of the information Juli had provided. Most every group planned an assault for today. They were going to strike all at once in hopes that Bison will turn up at one of the locations. Shadowlaw could be forever in the past tense by this evening if things went right. Cammy was praying for them to.

The sun hadn't begun to rise when Cammy left her apartment and made her way to MI-6 headquarters. She was in the calm that came over her before missions; the silence that said she was calculating everything in her mind carefully. She walked slowly, having more than enough time make it. As she reached the gates Cammy felt a hand gently touch her shoulder. She turned to find cranky behind her, a soft, lazy smile on his face. His eyes were bloodshot and had dark bags under them. He obviously hadn't slept either. He spoke.

"Hey."

"What are you doing here, Cranky?"

"What the hell does it look like? I'm seeing you off to war."

Now that he spoke more than one word Cammy could hear the difference in his voice. He was drunk.

"You're smashed."

"On the finest Irish whiskey."

"Why are you doing this?"

"You know, this is the most fucked up role reversal ever. I'm a man….a man! And here I am like a fucking chick waving a hanky at you, hoping for your safe return. Isn't this what you wanted?"

"You know it isn't. It's not the time for drunken confessions."

"I care about you damn it; me being toasted doesn't change that."

"You're drinking away your worries."

"I remember not too long ago, you did the same thing."

"And look where it got me."

Cranky looked at her closely for a moment, taking in her obvious insult, before he took a shaky step forward as he spoke with a little more control.

"I can see you're still mad. But I can't leave it like this. You've done something to me."

"We can't do this right here right now. I have to leave."

"Later then?"

Cammy nodded.

"Yeah, later. You'll be here."

"I'll knit you a sweater while you're gone."

Cammy laughed and before she knew it Cranky had grabbed her face and kissed her softly on the mouth. He spoke before he walked away.

"For luck."

* * *

Cammy concentrated on her breathing as she and her comrades busted through the front door of the suspected compound like they were an army of 1000 rather than on of 5. Today, Cammy was ready for anything. Both of the Brownings were out and ready, the clips having been triple checked. This was really it, and offensive on Shadowlaw. It was really happening. It could all be over forever. Wolfman's voice echoed through her head, seeming far away though he was right next to her.

"Split up team…you know what to do."

Cammy dashed forward, heading towards the center of the building. So far it was totally empty. That meant whoever was here was hiding. Juli was right, they were weak. Cammy reached her destination and kicked open the screen to a large air vent. She had to get to the basement. In the movies the vents like these were always huge, big enough that a person could easily turn around. In reality, this vent, though larger than normal due to the building being built for commercial use, was tiny. Cammy was the only one on the team that could even dream of ever fitting and it was going to be a tight squeeze. She tucked on of the Brownings into the holster under her arm and took a deep breath before she entered the vent. With her foot she repositioned the screen behind her the best that she could. She wouldn't want anyone walking by to shoot in after her.

Cammy's shoulders and hips were pressed tightly against the walls of the small space, but she was able to move pretty quickly using the strength of her legs to push herself forward. The constriction forced Cammy's breathing shallow and she began to sweat. It proved a godsend as, thanks to the sweat, she was able to move quicker through the tight space. After nearly ten minutes of crawling through pitch dark, trying to remember blind directions, Cammy felt the ridges of a screen under her hands. It took four tries to force the screen open due to the small space, but after it fell she was able to slide from the vent and into the fresher air of the basement. She instinctively drew her second Browning, scanning the room.

While the area she could see was totally empty of enemies, it was just as suspected. The large area under the commercial building had been converted into offices and holding cells. The design of this particular part of the building was all too familiar to Cammy. Shadowlaw was using a commercial front to hide major bases of operations. Or at least that was the plan since the building did not look complete. This was going to change a lot about the profiles of terrorists groups. But for now, she had to find whoever was hiding here.

Cammy moved slowly and quietly, though the noise from the vent's screen falling must have been loud enough to alert anyone, it was better to be safe than sorry. She scanned each room and cell, the doors to them already open or nonexistent. Only one door was closed at the end of a small hall. She made her way towards it carefully. She didn't want to holster one of her weapons so in a rush of energy, Cammy kicked the door open and burst into the room. Instantly she saw the form of a body to her right. She aimed her guns and yelled.

"Freeze!"

Cammy nearly dropped the Brownings as a small sound of surprise escaped her throat. Beyond the barrels of her Brownings stood a very dead Julian, cerulean blue eyes blazing, with his own gun pointed back at her.


	18. 18 Don't Stay

_Sometimes I need to remember just to breathe  
Sometimes I need you to stay away from me  
Sometimes I'm in disbelief I didn't know  
Somehow I need you to go _

Don't stay  
Forget our memories  
Forget our possibilities  
What you were changing me into  
Just give me myself back and  
Don't stay  
Forget our memories  
Forget our possibilities  
Take all your faithlessness with you  
Just give me myself back and  
Don't stay

Sometimes I feel like I trusted you too well  
Sometimes I just feel like screaming at myself  
Sometimes I'm in disbelief I didn't know  
Somehow I need to be alone

I don't need you anymore, I don't want to be ignored  
I don't need one more day of you wasting me away  
I don't need you anymore, I don't want to be ignored  
I don't need one more day of you wasting me away

With no apologies.

_Linkin__ Park – "Don't Stay"

* * *

_

Cammy stood there for a long moment staring at the unmoving Julian. There was no doubt it was him, but he was supposed to be dead. Dead men couldn't have face offs with people. This wasn't a dream like the ones with Vega; that much she knew. He was really standing right in front of her. She spoke, her voice shaky.

"J-Julian?"

He didn't answer her, but he did shift positions a little, changing from a two handed to a one handed grip. She spoke again, her guns remaining aimed back at him.

"I thought you were dead."

He answered her, his gruff voice ringing in her ears.

"Do I look dead?"

She let her face soften almost forgetting the position she was in. Relief flooded her as she spoke.

"What are you doing here?"

"My job. What are you doing here?"

Realization hit Cammy. Julian had joined up with Shadowlaw again to get out of prison. He'd traded one hell for another. But why? Cammy answered Julian's previous question.

"I'm doing my job and it's to stop whatever you're doing here."

"Then it looks like we got a problem."

"Yeah, looks like it."

Another painful moment of silence came over them as they remained in a stand off. Cammy had two guns to Julian's one, but she knew he was probably faster than her. A fact she was happy that he didn't know. She had to get all the information from him she could.

"Is Bison here?"

Julian seemed appalled.

"No…this has nothing to do with Shadowlaw. You really think I'd join up with the fucks that killed my son?"

"You don't seem to be doing anything that was in your old character."

"Because I choose not to rot in prison?"

Cammy felt guilty suddenly. She had never really gotten over the feeling that Julian's entire situation was her own fault. She had a big choice to make. This wasn't Shadowlaw here. It wouldn't be the first time they'd been wrong. But she could have sworn this compound fit their MO. Julian was telling the truth. He would have never had anything to do with Shadowlaw. So Cammy made a choice. She spoke.

"You've saved my life countless times. I'm just going to walk away and pretend I haven't seen you."

With that, Cammy clicked the safety on the Brownings into place and holstered them as she turned to walk away. She heard a click behind her. Julian must have done the same. She turned to say goodbye only to find his gun still aimed at her. He'd clicked his own safety off. He spoke.

"On your knees facing the wall."

"What?"

He yelled as he came towards her with his gun at her head.

"On your knees facing the fucking wall! Lace your hands on top of your head and cross your ankles over each other!"

Cammy did what Julian asked in a moment of shock before everything went black as the butt of Julian's gun connected with her head.

* * *

Everything that possibly could have gone wrong, in fact, had. Wolfman looked at himself in the men's bathroom mirror, reveling in the rare moment he had gained for himself. Since returning from the horrible failed mission, one member short, he hadn't had one free moment. Not one second where he wasn't being questioned or accused of being brash or reprimanded. Not one free second to let all of this sink in. He felt as if he was going insane with guilt and his superiors at MI-6 wouldn't give him five damn minutes to deal with that fact. It's why he'd excused himself to the bathroom.

Cammy was gone. Just gone. No sign of a struggle, no clue whatsoever as to what happened to her. Wolfman knew the call from Colonel Guile would come shortly and he'd have to tell him that Cammy was MIA. That wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that he'd failed as a leader. He'd failed MI-6, his team, he had failed Cammy. He had been sure that Shadowlaw had been behind all of these smaller groups' activities. Hell, with the information gained from Craig Crankurt and Juli, he was still not so sure he was wrong. But everything pointed to him being wrong. The most catastrophic hunch of his military career.

* * *

_His laughter filled her hears, making her heart burn even more than it already did. Cammy hated this more than when he spoke. This cut her deep. At least in speaking Vega was somewhat civilized and she could retort. But this, this was an all out assault she couldn't defend herself against. Vega's laughter was saying what a thousand words couldn't begin to express. He felt as if he'd won. Even dead he was delusional. Cammy yelled._

_"Won't you just shut up?"_

_Vega stifled his laughter with an embroidered handkerchief. His face was still amused and Cammy could still hear the stray giggle escape his throat. His face looked like one of a child who knew something you didn't know. Vega took a deep breath before he spoke._

_"I am truly sorry my love. I must catch my breath. I swear, you could kill a man."_

_"I don't know why you think this is so funny."_

_"Betrayal, my dear. Oh, how would you put it...ummm…Karma, a does of your own medicine."_

_"And who have I betrayed aside from you….since you don't really count."_

_"Ouch."_

_"Save it Vega. Answer the question."_

_"Well aside from yourself…the very same man who just betrayed you."_

_"I've betrayed Julian?"_

_"Yes, long before now. Like me he trusted in your beautiful face, your good intentions. Unlike me however, he was not able to discern between the two. You are getting what you deserve."_

_"No, I spoke to him about all of this before I left for __London__. About his son. He understands that it just happened and it's no ones fault except for Shadowlaw's."_

_"Word, words.__ They were just words. You of all people should understand that what one says and what that same one actually feels can, and often are two completely different things."_

_Cammy was stunned. Could this be true or was she just psyching herself out? Vega strode towards her and placed his hands on her stomach._

_"You lie to even yourself Camilla. You try to deny the truth because it is easier that way. Some things cannot be hidden away forever. And soon, you are going to have to stop betraying yourself and face that cold, hard truth. It is inevitable."_

_Vega squeezed her stomach hard and the pain shot through her body._

Cammy snapped awake, swearing she could still feel Vega's hands on her stomach and a dulling pain. She pushed the dream to the back of her mind and surveyed her surroundings. She was in a cell not too much unlike many she'd seen in her life time except for one, helpful difference; a wooden door. She could easily break through it and be out of here. Wherever the 'here' Julian had taken her to could be. It was almost surreal to think that Julian had actually done what he did. Was it just a dream? She couldn't do this right now. Right now she needed to get out of here.

Cammy pulled herself to standing, using the wall for support. Immediately she doubled over as a sharp pain shot through her abdomen. She fell to her knees her eyes squeezed shut in pain. What the hell was happening to her? She had to hold that thought as the door to the room opened and Julian stepped in, shutting the door behind him. Julian stooped above her. Normally in a situation like this, Cammy would stand and at least attempt to hold her own. But with the strange pain, it was risky. So she sat back against the wall, keeping her face still, hiding the fading pain. Julian pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and gestured them towards her in an offering. She shook her head no before she spoke.

"Don't even try to play good cop with me now."

Julian pulled a cigarette out of the pack and lit it, inhaling the smoke. He spoke as he exhaled.

"If you think I'm the good cop, you've got a lot to learn."


	19. 19 Everything After

_Slipped away to the open  
Watched the shadows deface the ground  
Till the day we all  
Believe that we might lose control _

Will the moment we fear  
Turn to everything clear

After you're gone  
Away from the life  
Of the planet you're on  
And everything after

Faded awake  
Somebody spoke  
When I left here today  
And everything after

It pulls us back into orbit  
When disorder surrounds this place  
And it brings us down  
We can't keep our feet on the ground

Until the moment we fear  
Turns to everything clear

We are down here  
We are Space

_Revis__ – "Everything After"_

* * *

Wagner used all of his strength to help the military medics hold Guile down, as the military jeep sped towards another vehicle that would transport them back to Los Angeles Air Force Base. It wasn't working very well. Guile was surely stronger than Wagner, and in this state, stronger than he and the others combined. But there was no talking sense into him at that moment. Guile's arm was practically in shreds, the radius of his forearm protruding from the skin. The rest of him was beaten up pretty badly too, but those minor injuries took a backseat to the dire one. Blood was everywhere and all Guile could do was struggle and say he's got to get to a phone. Wagner grabbed Guile's good arm and yelled.

"You've got to let them set your arm Guile. You'll bleed to death."

Guile looked back at him.

"My arm?"

He must be in shock. Guile spoke again.

"Wagner…you're okay!"

"Yeah, I've been here. Now calm down so they can fix you up."

"This doesn't matter…you've got to do something important son. Make sure everyone knows. It is Shadowlaw, it _is_ them!"

Wagner had no idea what Guile had been through, he was the only returning man from his entire group and he was still in bad condition.

"It's okay Guile. Everything is under control."

Guile pulled Wagner closer and spoke more softly.

"All the groups, they are working for Shadowlaw. They all have something big to lose if they get found out. Shadowlaw is hiding behind them and if it doesn't get out, they are all going to get away."

It made total sense. The groups that had been targeted weren't Shadowlaw and they weren't hiding Bison. But they were all ruthless, and upon the tiniest mention of Bison or Shadowlaw, they went on a total defensive assault, taking no prisoners. It's like every gang, drug lord, terrorist group and crime syndicate had something big to lose if they didn't do what Shadowlaw wanted. Shadowlaw was hiding behind blackmail. Guile tensed suddenly as Wagner heard the sickening sound of splintered bone grinding against splintered bone. Guile grabbed him again, his voice struggled.

"Make sure Cammy's okay. I don't have a good feeling."

He passed out then. Wagner wondered if the pain had finally proved to be too much or if Guile just finally said all he needed to. But he knew one thing. He'd had a bad feeling about Cammy too. This entire worldwide assault had given him a bad feeling about Cammy from the beginning. He knew her, even more so through his psychological studies. She'd jump into anything headfirst if it in anyway involved her revenge on Shadowlaw and therefore, she tended to let her guard down with anything that she thought didn't involve them. Like other dangers weren't really dangerous. It suddenly felt like this entire thing was a set up designed perfectly to reel Cammy in. Wagner silently willed the jeep to go faster; he had to get to London as soon as possible.

* * *

Cranky had spent the better part of the day sobering up. He had willed himself not to continue his drinking binge and to get his head straight for when Cammy got back. So far so good. He'd cleaned himself up, gotten a bite to eat and now he waited across the street from MI-6 headquarters. He'd seen the military jeeps returning and figured that it'd only be a matter of time before Cammy came out. That was hours and three pitchers of beer ago. Now he was drunk again, and worried out of his mind. What if they guys who attacked Cammy and him in his hotel room recognized her? Then it'd be his fault she was hurt. Why'd he ever confess what he knew about Shadowlaw? He knew why, it was for Cammy. It was fucked up; all of this was for her. He didn't understand any of it at all. But all he could do was wait for word on the mission.

A crowd of reporters was gathering around the front gates. He was sure that an official announcement was about to be made. He left money for his tab on the table and ran out, dodging cars as he dashed across the street. An official looking man stepped up to a podium and began a speech with all of the normal, boring, official formalities. Cranky looked to the side and saw Colonel Wolfman exiting from another, smaller gate, avoiding the crowd. Cranky moved towards him slowly, as not to draw the attention of the reporters. Once he was far enough away from the crowd he yelled out for Colonel Wolfman.

"Colonel! Colonel!"

Wolfman turned around and Cranky saw his face crush the moment he recognized him. Something was wrong. Cranky ran towards Wolfman then as he spoke.

"Where's Cammy? Nothing happened did it?"

"It all went so wrong."

"What? She's not…"

"I don't know. She disappeared and we found nothing there at all."

Cranky felt his heart being ripped in two. Not used to such a powerful emotion, Cranky turned that sadness into the only thing he understood, rage. He grabbed Wolfman's shirt in his fists and held his face close as he yelled.

"What the hell! That makes no sense. Everything you needed was there! You just had to do your fucking job."

Wolfman pushed him away roughly as he turned to head back into MI-6 and spoke.

"Then let me do it and keep your fucking nose out of this."

The gate practically slammed in Cranky's face. He grunted in frustration as he punched the stone wall next to the shut gate. The painful sting and blood on his knuckles brought him back to his senses. Pain was real. He forgot he wasn't supposed to ever be happy. He couldn't believe that he even for one minute, he had thought he'd come out on top. He was a fuck up and always would be one, no one, no matter how much he thought he loved them, could change that. Cranky turned to head back to a pub running into a passerby. He excused himself quietly and continued on.

"I'm sorry, sir."

The man nodded and continued in the opposite direction. Cranky pulled the cash out of the newly stolen wallet, disposing of it in a nearby trashcan as he stuffed the cash in his pocket.

* * *

When Colonel Wolfman entered his office, the red light on his phone that signaled he had a waiting call was blinking. It was to be expected. However, he knew that it would more than likely be bad news and wanted to avoid more of that at any cost. Seeing Craig Crankurt on the street did absolutely nothing for his wounded pride or guilty conscious. Cranky had been really upset. Maybe he really did care for Cammy, or maybe it was just show. Whatever it was wasn't working in Wolfman's favor. He sighed, looking at the phone again with disdain. He knew he had to take the call no matter how upset he was. It was his duty to go on and just maybe, he could figure this mess out. Wolfman picked the phone up pushing the correct line and spoke.

"Colonel Wolfman here."

A hurried voice quickly answered.

"Colonel. It's Shadowlaw. I mean, it isn't, but it is! And Cammy, oh God, Cammy doesn't know."

"Hold on! Who's this?"

"Staff Sergeant Scott K. Wagner, U.S. Air Force. I'm calling in lieu of Colonel Guile."

"And why can't Colonel Guile speak for himself?"

"He's in critical condition from injuries sustained in today's mission. Look, there's no time for this. You may outrank me, but I'm the one who knows what the hell is going on here. You need to be informed before someone does something to jeopardize this. Especially Cammy."

It was at another mention of Cammy that Wolfman remembered who Scott Wagner was. Colonel Guile's adopted son and therefore, Cammy's adopted brother. It was a little over a year and a half ago that he had accompanied Guile and his team to rescue Cammy from Shadowlaw. It was the mission in which he'd first seen what Cammy was capable of. The young man was strong himself, fighting alongside them with a badly injured leg and many other wounds. Something bad was up for Colonel Guile to involve Wagner in this. Wolfman spoke solemnly.

"It's too late for that Wagner."

"What! What are you saying?"

"Cammy's gone."

"Gone! What do you mean gone? This isn't happening, Shadowlaw can't get her back."

"Thankfully it's not them."

"Think again Colonel, it is them. They are hiding behind these other companies. Not so much working with them like we thought. Blackmail, owing favors, you name it and Shadowlaw has cashed it in. These groups are running Shadowlaw while they plan something big."

Colonel Wolfman's eyes grew wide as his adrenaline surged.

"And now they have Cammy and she knows the ins and outs of MI-6 as well has being an ideal and previous candidate for brainwashing."

Wagner's voice was distant due to Wolfman's shock.

"I'm flying there now. Give me a few hours. If you're ready for me when I arrive I'll be ready for an assault. I'm finding Cammy."


	20. 20 Bang Bang

_I was five and he was six  
We rode on horses made of sticks  
He wore black and I wore white  
He would always win the fight _

Bang, bang, he shot me down  
Bang, bang, I hit the ground  
Bang, bang, that awful sound  
Bang, bang, my baby shot me down.

Seasons came and changed the time  
When I grew up, I called him mine  
He would always laugh and say  
"Remember when we used to play?"

Bang, bang, I shot you down  
Bang, bang, you hit the ground  
Bang, bang, that awful sound  
Bang, bang, I used to shoot you down.

Music played, and people sang  
Just for me, the church bells rang.

Now he's gone, I don't know why  
And till this day, sometimes I cry  
He didn't even say goodbye  
He didn't take the time to lie.

Bang, bang, he shot me down  
Bang, bang, I hit the ground  
Bang, bang, that awful sound  
Bang, bang, my baby shot me down...

_Nancy Sinatra- "Bang, Bang"_

* * *

Cammy stared at the new Julian, confusion still darting through her mind. He was so cold and distant, nothing like before. His heart seemed to have been replaced with something else and it was eating away at him. But he seemed to like his new self. Did he hate her like Vega had said in her dream? All this time had he been holding it inside, letting it eat away at him? Was he waiting for revenge, for a moment of truth? Well here it was. Cammy spoke.

"What's going on here?"

"You tell me."

"I told you already. We thought you were Shadowlaw. It was a mistake."

"That's a big fucking mistake."

"Is it?"

Julian paced back and forth in the small cell, seemingly thinking. He squatted down making his eyes level with hers. His eyes were different. The pain in them she'd become so accustomed to seeing was gone, replaced with a crazed rage. He answered her question.

"I told you before. I'd never join with them again."

He seemed appalled at the fact that she would even for a second suspect he had something to do with Shadowlaw. She defended her assumptions.

"Well look at the situation, Julian. Look at what you're doing. You've kidnapped me. It all seems pretty familiar to me."

"Yeah, this situation is familiar, but with one big difference."

Julian paused and stood, gaining power and confidence in his movements. He continued, hate laced throughout his voice.

"You need me. My help, my connections, whatever. But the big difference is this time I know what I have to lose by helping you. And I'm not going to lose it for anything or anyone. For the first time in seven years I'm alive. I'm free and I'm happy. No one is going to take my freedom away or my means to keep it. Not even you, Cammy."

She was shocked. This for sure wasn't the old Julian. It wasn't the person who'd risked all to save her and Ken, the person who struggled valiantly through hell, the person she wished she could be. This was just another lackey to another gang. Cammy dropped all her previous motions and switched into defensive, treated him like she would have any other criminal that had her in this situation.

"So what, you're going to kill me?"

"No, you're going to help me for once."

"After your little speech, I think not."

"So you're a tough little bitch now, huh?"

Cammy was silent. Clearly the talking part was over. If he needed information from her to help whatever group he was involved with, she'd be dammed if she gave it to him. She ignored the persisting pain in her abdomen and stood up to be face to face with Julian. She kept her face calm and cold, like she'd been taught in Shadowlaw all those years ago and like she'd been taught in Delta Red. Julian laughed.

"Oh, I forgot, you're Miss Delta Red now. We definitely can use you for something."

It hit her. Julian's father, the Latin Kings; it made so much sense now. Julian had mended old wounds with his father and now was back to being a vital part of his gang. But what was he doing in England? That was the only factor that didn't add up. But it didn't matter. She knew she could be used to gain power. Shadowlaw had proved that much in the past. Cammy spoke slowly, her voice tight and careful.

"I'm not telling you a single fucking thing."

In a sudden movement, too fast and unexpected for her to react, Cammy was slammed up against the wall, her shoulders pinned by Julian's large hands. She remained silent. Her feet weren't even on the ground as Julian held her totally against the it with his strength alone. His body was a wall of muscle, probably due to his years of conditioning in prison. Another stab of pain resonated in her abdomen and down to her pelvis. Her face gave way to the pain as itsqueezed tight in agony. Julian questioned her.

"What does Delta Red know about the Latin Kings?"

Cammy looked back at him, her eyes totally blank. Her face went blank too, kind of a leftover auto pilot reaction from her Shadowlaw days. It was sure as hell useful now. Julian yelled.

"What are you hiding!"

Again Cammy answered him with silence. This time Julian retorted with a rough backhand to her face. He let her go to deliver the blow and her body slid limply down the wall. Her face instantly ached and she felt blood run from her lip down her chin and dripping onto her chest. He spoke, calmer now.

"You know something. I can see it in your eyes. I don't know what makes you so fucking tough now."

Cammy didn't really feel tough. She just really didn't know anything except that this was all a big mistake and that she was in utter pain. Julian squatted and grabbed her chin. His eyes were rimmed with tears now, but still held their rage as he spoke.

"What is so God damn different between now and then? What did Shadowlaw do to you to make you give me up?"

"I didn't think you had anything to lose and they were hurting Wagner. Also, as hard as it is to believe when I'm in this position, I really don't think you'd hurt me."

Julian let her chin go and stood as he spoke.

"I didn't have anything to lose. What I had was a son, Cammy! That's what I had to lose…everything."

He ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath as he yelled, totally incensed with rage.

"An innocent child!"

He stepped towards her, delivering a hard kick to her stomach. Cammy fell forward, cradling her stomach as pain exploded through her entire torso. Pain like she'd never felt before. She cried out and tried to move, only causing the pain to worsen and another sound of pain to escape from her throat. She looked up at Julian, who still stooped above her. His eyes were wide and shocked, as if he couldn't believe what he'd just done. Cammy didn't understand his surprise until she followed his gaze down to her thighs which had blood slowly seeping down them.


	21. 21 Fields of Innocence

I still remember the world  
From the eyes of a child  
Slowly those feelings  
Were clouded by what I know now

Where has my heart gone  
An uneven trade for the real world  
I want to go back to  
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all

I still remember the sun  
Always warm on my back  
Somehow it seems colder now

Where has my heart gone  
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger  
I want to go back to  
Believing in everything

Iesu, Rex admirabilis  
Et triumphator nobilis,  
Dulcedo ineffabilis,  
Totus desiderabilis.

Where has my heart gone  
An uneven trade for the real world  
I want to go back to  
Believing in everything  
Away

Where has my heart gone  
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger  
I want to go back to  
Believing in everything

I still remember.

Evanescence- "Field of Innocence"

* * *

Julian stared at Cammy in horror for one more second before he turned and ran from the tiny room. He paced back and forth quickly, running his hands over his face again and again. What had he just done? Cammy was pregnant, was being the key word. There was no way he could have known, it just happened, it was not his fault. He was lying to himself and knew it. If not for him she wouldn't have been here. He'd just been so angry, forever grieving Dorian. He fell to his knees and opened his palms upwards.

"Hail Holy Queen, mother of mercy, our life, our sweetness, and our hope. To you do we cry, poor banished children of Eve. To you do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn then, most gracious advocate, you eyes of mercy towards us. And after this, our exile, show to us the Blessed fruit of your womb, Jesus Christ. Oh clement, oh loving, oh sweet Virgin Mary! Pray for me Holy mother of God."

A voice came behind him.

"Julian, get off of the fucking floor."

Julian turned to see his father. He rose quickly.

"Pa, she was pregnant! Fucking pregnant! And I—oh shit, oh shit. I can't believe it."

"Calm down!"

His father grabbed his shoulders and shook him for emphasis. Julian did stop, but his eyes still darted around the room. Marquez spoke again.

"God, at least tell me you didn't kill her."

"No! Just the bab…"

Julian's voice trailed off. Baby, that's what he should have said. He'd done it after all and he was going to have to deal with it, but first…

"Pa, I really don't think she knows anything."

"Of course she doesn't. We don't need Cammy White because of what she knows. We need her because of who she is."

"And who is she to us, to the Latin Kings?"

"She's our bargaining chip."

"For what?"

"For Shadowlaw, to get Dorian back."

* * *

Cammy sat in stunned silence as Julian rushed from the room, slamming the door behind him. What the hell had just happened to her? She pushed her hands down her legs, the medial amount of blood slightly coating her fingertips. Her clothes had soaked most of it up. What was it? She knew what it was. As impossible as it was, she knew it had to be true. Thinking back all of the signs had been there, but she'd never had to bother to look for them. She hadn't had a period since she had been taken by Shadowlaw, since they'd toyed with her physiology. She'd been moody, which wasn't unusual, but being sick in the morning was unusual for her. There was no way she would have known, no way. Shadowlaw had taken away her ability to have children as well as everything else. She hated thinking about it. But here it was, in her face. She'd been wrong, and damn lucky to date. She was sitting in the remains of her first child. She'd been pregnant.

Cammy could feel her chest getting tighter and tighter as it all sunk in. Her baby was dead…a baby she hadn't even known she could have, a baby she hadn't known about, was gone forever. Just like Julian's son. How ironic. Her breaths got shorter and shorter as she felt the emotions beginning to build up. She should have known. Cammy remained on the floor, unmoving, her face turned upwards, away from the carnage as a scream of rage escaped from her throat.

* * *

"What did you say, Pa?"

"Julian, I can't explain it all, but Dorian is alive, he's been alive and Bison has been using him to keep me working for him. To keep you working for him."

Julian started pacing the room his adrenaline surging through his veins. He spoke softly, almost in a whisper.

"Dorian is alive, my son is alive."

He could feel the tears of happiness building under his eyes. All this time, all that hate was for nothing, but even all the wasted emotion couldn't compare to the fact that Dorian was alive. Julian regained some of his composure before he spoke to his father.

"Where is he?"

"I don't know. That's why we need her. We'll trade, I know Bison wants her. He's wanted her for years."

Guilt fell into Julian's stomach like a pile of bricks as he recalled a few moments ago and his rage. Now he could have everything he'd ever wanted in the world back if he betrayed Cammy one last time. Julian stared into space, thinking deeply about the situation. What in the hell was he going to do? His father's voice rang in his ears.

"Get her ready son…we can have Dorian back tonight and all of this will be over."

Julian had never seen his father like this. He was so weak, so helpless, so….loving. The tough exterior he was used to seeing was gone and Francisco Marquez was more a man than Julian could ever recall. A calm came over him.

"Pa, I can't do that."

"Don't you want Dorian back…don't you want to meet your son?"

"More than anything, but you know better than I do Bison will just take Cammy and then he'll kill her or worse. I can't do it."

"I'll do it! Take her to Bison and in a few hours we'll have Dorian back and all this will be over!"

"And then we get Dorian back and go about our happy lives knowing that we let her die just to have him. That's best case scenario, more than likely Bison will take her and keep Dorian, keep us on the payroll."

"I want my grandson!"

Marquez rushed into the room Cammy was being kept and before Julian could stop him he had Cammy's arm and was pulling her to her feet. She looked to be in shock and why not, she'd just suffered more than he could ever imagine. He ran to Cammy's other side and him and his father were almost in a tug-of-war over Cammy's small form.

"Julian, don't do this…this is for the best."

"I'm taking her, not you."

An angry voice came from the doorway.

"Neither of you fuckers are going to touch her ever again."

Before Julian could protest, he saw Scott Wagner, who'd just spoken, and another man, both in full camouflage fatigues, aim their guns and fire without hesitation.


	22. 22 No Giving Up

So you found out today your life's not the same  
Not quite as perfect as it was yesterday but  
When you were just getting in the groove  
Now you're faced with something new  
And I know it hurts and I know you feel torn  
But you never gave up this easily before  
So why do you choose today to give it all away

Well it's not so bad y'all  
Together we all fall  
Just as long we get up we'll stand tall  
We shouldn't waste another day  
Thinking 'bout the things that we forgot to say

I'm hittin' back y'all  
Kickin' these four walls  
Just as hard as I can til I can't crawl  
I won't waste another day  
With all these silly things  
Swimmin' in my brain

There's no giving up now  
Do you really want to give this all away  
Can't you ever see things in a different way  
Somedays  
No giving up now  
Such a beautiful thing to throw away  
You should think things through  
Over and over again  
All over again

So your scars fade away  
You soaked up the pain  
A better person 'cause you lived through those days  
And now you know what it's like to prove  
You can overcome anything that gets to you  
Well it's alright  
We're sayin' our goodbyes  
To the past and everything that ain't right  
We won't waste another day  
With all these silly things in our way

There's no giving up now  
Do you really want to give this all away  
Can't you ever see things in a different way  
Somedays  
No giving up now  
Such a beautiful thing to throw away  
You should think things through  
Over and over again  
All over again

I know we have given  
All that we can give  
When there's nothing to lean on  
Well, I remember this  
All we make of this lifetime  
Is always here within  
And remembering that's why  
We should never give in

There's no giving up now  
Do you really want to give this all away  
Can't you ever see things in a different way  
Somedays  
No giving up now  
Such a beautiful thing to throw away  
You should think things through  
Over and over again  
All over again

There's no giving up now

Crossfade- "No Giving Up"

* * *

Cammy fell forward in what seemed like slow motion as Julian and his father flew sideways. The gunshots echoed in her ears and she hit the ground hard. Her forearms slid forward on the tile now slick with the blood of her captors. She felt numb, not so much her body but her mind. She looked up and saw Colonel Wolfman walk past her, his gun aimed. Wagner was in front of her then and everything was okay. Betrayal was a word Wagner didn't understand, he was safe. He'd saved her.

"Cammy…say something, oh God Cammy say something. Are you okay?"

She reached up and put her hand on his cheek, checking to see if he was real, if any of this was real. She nodded slowly, not trusting her words. Wagner pulled her into his arms in a tight hug. She was stiff against his body. She felt more than heard Colonel Wolfman above her. His voice rang in her ears.

"Scott, she's in shock I think. You carry her out of here and I'll take care of these two sorry sons of bitches. Their arms are all bandaged up and they are ready for delivery to MI-6 headquarters."

Wagner scooped her up in his arms and her head swam, the room becoming dim. Wagner's grip stiffened as he spoke in a worried tone.

"Colonel Wolfman, there's too much blood on Cammy, it can't just be from these two."

Cammy grabbed the sides of Wagner's face and whispered in his ear before everything went black.

"Way too much blood."

* * *

Julian didn't know which pain to ignore and which pain to concentrate on; the pain in his arm or the pain in his heart. Both were excruciating. So much had happened so quickly. Between finding out Dorian was alive, accidentally inducing a miscarriage for Cammy, and being shot, Julian couldn't get his head straight. It was almost too much to handle. His father sat behind him, just as silent and solemn as Julian himself was. He remembered a pain to concentrate on as he spoke.

"All this time Pa. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Bison said he'd kill Dorian if you knew."

"So what's different now?"

"I'm tired son."

Julian watched as his father put his head in the hand of his good arm. Julian wasn't too sure what was going on. He knew they were more than likely at MI-6 headquarters. But they'd been left alone in this room for what felt like hours. And neither of them had moved, sitting side by side like good little prisoners. He couldn't see anyway that someone was watching them, but who knew? Julian spoke again, his face remaining staring fiorward.

"And Not telling me I was working for them, another condition?"

"Of course."

"What's Bison want with me so bad?"

"You're good at what you do and you don't want to do it. Simple as that. He wants what he can't have. He's got me under his controls with Dorian and you through me."

"Well not anymore."

"There's nothing we can do! He'll kill Dorian!"

"Do you even know for sure that he's still alive, or are you just taking that bastards word for it?"

"It's all I have."

Julian turned to his father.

"All this has been on Bison's word! You know his word is shit!"

The door opened and the man who'd accompanied Wagner earlier walked inside, followed by Wagner. The man sat down in front of them and Wagner remained standing. The man spoke.

"I'm Colonel Wolfman and know that Dorian Marquez is most surely alive."

Marquez spoke frantically.

"How could you know? Where is he, can we find him?"

Wolfman held his hands up in a halting motion.

"Francisco, I only know of a child that Shadowlaw has taken financial means to care for."

Julian spoke.

"But it's him, most likely, it's him!"

Wagner spoke up.

"Yeah, we think so. But there's other things we need to talk about as of now. Such as what the hell you were doing with Cammy?"

Julian looked down, suddenly ashamed of what he couldn't help. He spoke.

"You're a good shot you know. The thing is I didn't know it was Shadowlaw I was working with. I thought it was just my dad."

"What's that matter?"

"Everything. I never, never would have worked for Shadowlaw again. All of this was just a big mistake."

Wagner rushed forward, grabbing Julian's shirt in his fists as he yelled.

"Well your big mistake just cost Cammy more than you can ever imagine."

Wolfman stood and pulled Wagner off of Julian.

"Calm down Scott. Just go to Cammy, I'll handle this."

Wagner tried to pull away from Wolfman for a moment and then suddenly stopped, suddenly calmed down. He left the room and some of the tension lifted, just some. Wolfman began to speak again.

"I honestly don't give a shit about anything with the past or reasons why. I just want to use you two to my best advantage."

Julian jumped in.

"I won't go back to Shadowlaw for anything!"

"Just shut up for a second and listen. You don't have to go back. I'd actually prefer it if you didn't."

Marquez spoke up.

"So Colonel, what's your plan. Bison is going to be pissed that I haven't delivered the girl."

"That's easy. We take the situation out of your hands."

Julian questioned.

"What do you mean?"

"Here's the deal, according to Bison, MI-6 raided your headquarters and in the battle, killed Julian here and retrieved Cammy. Francisco, you go back to Bison and that's your story, you keep working as before, under the means of protecting Dorian. Julian, you're dead to Bison and so we need to hide you for the time being. The thing is that one, you are technically dead already, and two, you're wanted for breaking out of jail and your previous crimes. I can't hide you. There's no way I could swing it."

Julian nodded.

"So how do we pull it."

"Your father has got to hide you where Bison will never find you."

Marquez spoke up.

"I could work. It could really work. And I know exactly where to hide him."

Julian and Wolfman spoke in unison.

"Where?"

"The Church."

* * *

Wagner tossed and turned on Cammy's small couch. It was not the best sleeping conditions he could imagine and he was seriously contemplating getting on the hard floor where he could at least stretch out. He sat up and felt his spine pop upon doing so. He wasn't a tall person by any means, but this was like a torture device. Cammy hadn't hardly said a word to him since they left MI-6's medical facility. He was really scared for her. The doctors had confirmed it. A miscarriage. He knew all to well the trauma that such a thing could cause, and in Cammy's case, it was probably worse. She wouldn't talk to him which worried him more. Cammy never didn't talk to him.

Wagner stood, scratching his bare chest as he did so, and headed for the bathroom. Maybe taking a leak would help him sleep. He rounded the corner to the hall and saw a sliver of light coming from the cracked open bathroom door. He turned and saw the clock on the wall, it was 2:30 in the morning. They'd been back since early evening. Cammy might have just had the same idea as him. He waited for what felt like the five longest minutes of his life and decided that Cammy had just left the light on. He lightly tapped on the door and upon receiving no answer, he pushed it open. He nearly screamed out loud at seeing Cammy sitting in the bathtub. He turned his face away quickly, not at all wanting to see what his sister had to offer. Nothing came. Cammy said nothing. Wager turned slowly, ready to quickly divert his eyes and looked at Cammy.

Her legs were pulled tightly to her chest and her head rested on her knees. Her hair hung about her shoulders in long tendrils that were long ago wet and had air dried without the benefit of a comb. Most disturbing was her face. Cammy stared forward with a blank expression on her face. He had no idea how long she'd been in here but from the feeling of the cold bathroom, it's been a while. He spoke.

"Cammy?"

No answer. This time louder.

"Cammy?"

She seemed to snap out of her daze and she turned her head to him slowly. Her face changed and he saw her pain. It was an all too familiar look pushed to it's peak. She spoke in a cracked voice.

"Wagner, my baby…"

She burst into tears and Wagner rushed forward, grabbing a large towel from the floor as he came. He wrapped it around her shoulders, not caring that over half the towel was instantly soaked from the cold water in the tub. He himself was nearly immersed in the water just from wrapping his arms around her. Gooseflesh covered his arms and matched the flash of Cammy's body. He spoke in a soft whisper.

"What are you doing Cammy? You're going to make yourself sick. This water is freezing. How long have you been sitting here?"

"I had a baby and I didn't even know it."

"I know Cammy. It's not your fault."

"How can it not be my fault? It was my body that rejected it. My responsibility to take care of it."

"Something had to be going wrong for your body to do that."

"Me, that's what was wrong."

"Cammy, don't say that."

Cammy spoke into his shoulder, softly now too.

"My Dad was so great Wagner. He used to tell me that the whole point of life was your children. That you didn't live it for yourself, but for them. And I thought I couldn't have that. I had accepted it, decided that I could get past it. And now…now I can have it and it's taken away like that. I know what the problem was. I could never be a mother, I can't even hardly take care of myself."

"You learn Cammy."

"Would I?"

Wagner pulled her away from him and looked her in her eyes.

"Yeah. You would."

Cammy smiled and it was the best thing Wagner had seen in his whole life. He spoke again.

"You need to get out of this cold water before you get sick."

Cammy nodded. Wagner stood, water dripping down his body.

"I'll go make some coffee for us while you get dressed."

He turned and left the bathroom. Though it didn't seem it, Cammy's small breakdown was good. She needed to say what she said and get her feelings out or she was going to make herself sick. Wagner thought about what had just happened and smiled. He was cut out for it after all. Now his decision was final. He was going to be a consular, he was going to be a good consular.

Before Wagner got into the kitchen he heard the doorbell ring. Figuring it to be Wolfman he hurried to the door, wiping his soaked chest with a kitchen towel he'd grabbed. He opened the door and stood face to face with a man he'd never seen before. He was taller than Wagner himself, with flaming red hair and a look of disgust on his face. Wagner spoke.

"Can I help you?"

The man dropped a small bouquet of flowers he was holding and spoke as he turned around angrily and left.

"I should have fucking known."

* * *


	23. 23 Forever Gone Forever You

I wanted you to be with me  
For so long I don't even know why now  
But now that I've given up on you  
Defiantly you see me

Walking away I see the pain  
You put me through  
Lost in your game to change the same  
Forever gone, forever you

There's something very wrong about this  
I think you knew all along somehow  
You'll only take me to change my mind  
And leave me broken and defeated

So far away I see the truth  
I see through you  
Now that I know the way you play  
I don't want to

Walking away I see the pain  
You put me through  
Lost in your game to change the same  
Forever gone, forever you

Evanescence- "Forever Gone Forever You"

* * *

Julian felt odd as he quickly suited up in Delta Red fatigues. The closest he'd ever come to this was suiting up for his time with Shadowlaw. But they had to get him out of MI-6 headquarters without being seen as Julian Marquez.

By the time his meeting with his father and Colonel Wolfman ended, Wagner had taken Cammy home. He was right though, he'd caused a miscarriage. Just another mistake to add to the list. Another occurrence to further damn him. He'd made Colonel Wolfman swear to tell Cammy he was sorry, sorry for everything. To beg for her forgiveness. When he'd asked for her forgiveness before it was for doing nothing to help her. This time it was for doing everything to hurt her. He only hoped she'd grant it and that she'd be okay.

'Julian Marquez' was being delivered to the United States in a pine box for his second fake burial in two weeks. And he was now Father Julian Marquez, serving the Lord in Osaka, Japan of all places. When he wasn't performing priestly duties with an actual priest disguised as a deacon behind him, he'd be searching every known angle in hopes of finding Dorian. The Catholic Church was all too happy to hide Julian from the terrorist organization Shadowlaw, anything to protect a brother in Christ. But they didn't know of his record in the United States and hopefully wouldn't ever find out. His father had hidden Julian's past well in the few hours he had to do so.

It was odd parting from his father on good terms. It had never happened before. They were fighting for a common good now, to save his son. Julian had to admit to himself that his father wasn't to blame for all of the bad things he'd done. But Dorian was entirely innocent, a total victim to the sins of his father. Julian vowed to set it straight, set everything straight, and finally have the life he'd always dreamed of.

* * *

In one instant Cranky realized what an idiot he'd been. In the same instant his newfound guilt melted away and he was justified. His anger fumed as he stormed from Cammy's apartment building and down the empty street.

Cranky had gently pulled Juli from his embrace before he left her the moment she fell asleep. He felt like shit. He'd cheated, he'd done what he always did. He'd seen what he wanted and went for it instantly without regard to anything or anyone else. Juli was innocent and sweet, but daring and adventurous. Her eyes ate away at life taking in everything they could. She was so alive and he'd wanted that, Cammy be damned wherever she was at.

But after the deed was done and Cranky had the time to think about things. He felt horrible, remembering his promise to wait to speak to Cammy, remembering that she was the equivalent to a POW, fighting the shit he brought up. That she was more than likely suffering at the very moment he was having sex with Juli. When he saw the ticker at the bottom of the news channel say that a female military personnel had been retrieved and the captors killed in the rescue, he'd leapt out of his barstool.

It was Cammy, she was okay and all he wanted to do was see her, touch her. He'd grabbed a business card from a corkboard and scribbled a note for her before he ran from the bar towards Cammy's apartment, only stopping to pick some flowers out of someone's yard. He'd been so happy, so hopeful she was okay, his encounter with Juli already far in the back of his mind.

Then that prick answered the door. Cammy's new lover had seen him in his most vulnerable state ever. He'd seen Cranky unguarded, excited, dare he say, in love. Cranky only wished he hadn't dropped the flowers…the note. But it was too late now. Maybe it would make her feel the guilt he had felt. Maybe not.

But either way all past notions were gone. He had Juli now, someone pure, someone for him alone, and Cammy was just another whore.

* * *

Cammy could hear her own hair tearing as she did her best to run a brush though the dried tangles. It was hard but eventually she smoothed her hair out without loosing too much of it in the process. Cammy sighed and bit her lower lip. Wagner was right about everything he said, but that didn't change the loss. She thought back to the last couple of weeks and knew Cranky had to have been the father. She had been so careful with any other men, she'd held back that one thing. Cranky was different. He intoxicated her for some reason, it was like there was still so much about him to figure out, but at the same time he was like home to her. Something familiar, something loving. Cammy threw on an oversized t-shirt and panties and went to join Wagner for some coffee. He was waiting at the kitchen table. He spoke. 

"You already look better."

"I feel better."

Cammy looked on the table and saw a bouquet of camellias.

"Wagner, where'd these come from?"

"Oh, some red head guy delivered them a little bit ago. He was really rude, said something about fucking knowing then threw the flowers on the floor, I don't remember really. I didn't think delivery guys came this late anyway."

Cammy hardly heard anything Wagner said past 'red head guy' as she grabbed the card from the bouquet and read the neat script handwriting:

"I don't know how to knit, I hope these will do. Love- Cranky"

She pulled her hand to her mouth and dropped the card on the table. It was Cranky and obviously he'd assumed Wagner was someone he wasn't. For a second Cammy wanted to say good riddance to him if he was so quick to assume something like that about her. But then that part of her she'd never understood before kicked in and made sense. She didn't want to lose him over some misunderstanding. She didn't want to lose him over nothing. It was petty. She wanted him, all of him.

"Wagner, where'd he go?"

"I don't know…he ran off all angry. Cammy, who was he?"

She looked him in the eye and it was as if that one look told Wagner everything he needed to know. He nodded and Cammy turned to dart for the street. Wagner called after her.

"Cammy!…"

She turned and he handed her his coat, the one that had belonged to his father.

"… it's cold out. Go get him."


	24. 24 Love Song

Whenever I'm alone with you,  
You make me feel like I am home again  
Whenever I'm alone with you,  
You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you,  
You make me feel like I am young again  
Whenever I'm alone with you,  
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away, I will always love you  
However long I stay, I will always love you  
Whatever words I say, I will always love you,  
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you,  
You make me feel like I am free again  
Whenever I'm alone with you,  
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away, I will always love you  
However long I stay, I will always love you  
Whatever words I say, I will always love you,  
I will always love you.

Tori Amos cover of The Cure- "Love Song"

* * *

Cammy's bare feet padded franticly down the cold stone sidewalk. She only hoped she had chosen the right direction. There were more bars this way and if Cranky was angry that was the most likely place he'd be headed. Thankfully the street was pretty much abandoned so she only got a few odd glances for being the half dressed girl running down the street in her panties. She had to catch him. What if he'd just left town? What if he'd hopped on a bus and was headed to God knows where and she'd never find him, never talk to him again?

Her breath was getting heavier and heavier as she increased her running pace at that thought. Suddenly her stomach started to cramp. Even with her superior healing due to Shadowlaw's experiments, she was still healing from the miscarriage. Most women needed a few days bed rest and here she was only about 6 hours later sprinting down the street. As she rounded the corner she saw Cranky. His hands were at his sides gripped into tight fists. She called out to him, hoping to not have to run another foot.

"Cranky!"

Her voice came out more raspy than she would have liked, but it got his attention. He turned around and looked at her, but didn't move towards her. Cammy grabbed the light pole next to her and took a moment to try and catch her breath. Now that she'd found him her adrenaline was subsiding and the pain in her stomach was increasing. She let out a small whimper and stumbled to her knees using the pole to guide herself gently down. She'd expected Cranky to be beside her but he was still standing in the same spot, his face full of rage. So he was going to play that game. Cammy shook her head and reminded herself that he was hurt and in his mind had a right to be angry. She spoke.

"Cranky-"

He interrupted her.

"Don't bother, too little too late…I understand. I wasn't the first person with a dick that you saw when you got back."

"Just let me explain-"

"Explain that you fucked some other guy before we could even talk! I was right about you. You're just another piece of ass."

Now she was losing the thoughts that he was angry and just getting pissed back at him.

"So after everything, after telling me you loved me, that's all you think of me, a good lay."

"I never said good."

Cammy forced herself to standing, she would not be on the ground while he spoke to her like this. She had some pride left and it was all she could hold onto while Cranky threw insults at her. She damned herself for the tears she felt begin to fall down her face.

"Fuck you Cranky…and don't say you already did because I'm well aware of that. You fucked me over."

Cranky nearly ran towards her his hands in the air as he yelled.

"You fucked me over the second you fucked that guy!"

He grabbed her shoulders and pushed her hard into the light pole. Under normal circumstances Cammy would never have let him hurt her physically, but her emotional pain was too great right now. Between Cranky not letting her explain and the loss of her baby she was a mess. She broke into full on sobbing when he banged her into the pole again as he yelled.

"Who was that? Where'd you meet him!"

Cammy opened her mouth to speak and again Cranky pulled her forward only to push her back. She cried harder not able to form words. He yelled again.

"What the fuck do you have to say for yourself!"

Cammy sniffed and forced herself to stop sobbing for a moment. Long enough to look Cranky in the eyes as she spoke slowly in almost a whisper.

"His name is Scott Wagner, and he's my brother."

* * *

Cranky felt his heart drop into his stomach. It was like in movies when the background pulls out and the camera pulls into his shocked face; nothing was in his expression outside of dread, nothing even seemed to exist outside of it for that moment. He spoke softly. 

"Oh…baby, I'm sorry, I-I don't know what to say."

Cranky looked at his hands still tightly gripped on her shoulders. His knuckles were white from squeezing so hard. He loosened his hold and then pulled his hands to his sides. What had he just done? He was no better than his mother fucking father. He was acting like his father. Cammy nearly fell into him, her body almost entirely limp. Cranky caught her with ease as he frantically spoke.

"Oh God, are you okay? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I'm sorry. Cammy be okay, please."

He sunk to the ground with her in his arms. Now he finally looked at her, really looked at her; she was only wearing a t-shirt over her panties and a green jacket. Her legs and feet were bare. She must have rushed from her apartment to find him. He was so quick to judge her, forgetting all she'd been through. He had been so angry and now he wanted to cry. For misjudging her, for hurting her, physically and emotionally…for cheating on her. What was wrong with him? He had the only woman he'd ever need in his arms at this very moment.

* * *

Cammy looked up at him, her green eyes still glistening with tears and spoke. 

"I'm okay, just tired from today…really."

She was in love with Cranky, no matter what he said or did to her. She could have easily fought back but she felt deserved his anger because she knew in that very moment she would never tell him about her miscarriage. After seeing his anger about her assumed infidelity, how could she ever tell him that it was because she went on a mission that he didn't want her to go on that their baby was dead. She couldn't look into his light green eyes and feel anything but love. It was impossible, irrational, and stupid, but she didn't care. All she wanted was him. Cranky put his hand on her cheek and spoke softly.

"I love you. I really do. And it makes no sense and perfect sense at the same time. I think that's why I freaked so bad. I was hurt. But I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. I'm sorry."

She smiled.

"I love you, too."

Cranky pulled Cammy tightly into his chest and she lost it. She gripped her arms around his neck tightly and cried into his shoulder. She cried from happiness and sadness at the same time. She cried for all the people she cared about, for the death of her and Cranky's unborn child, for Wagner, for the Guile's, for Colonel Wolfman and all the members of Delta Red. She cried for every time her heart had been broken, the murder of her father, for Ken, for Julian, for Julian's son. But most of all she cried for herself and the prospect of finally being happy…with Cranky.

Cranky put his hands on the sides of her face and met her eyes as he spoke.

"Please don't cry anymore. I'm here."

He kissed her and she melted into his mouth. He kept the kiss chaste and it made her realize that they were still sitting on the sidewalk. He stood and pulled her to quickly to standing too. Cammy still felt the dull ache in her stomach, but it was quickly overridden. Cranky grabber her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers and spoke.

"Come on, let me go meet this brother of yours."


	25. 25 Life On My Own

Living risky,  
never scared, wander  
Closer to the edge  
Nothing valued think no fear,  
Always wondering why you're here  
All your purposes are gone, nothing's  
Right and nothing's wrong  
Nothing ventured, nothing gained  
Feel no sorrow, feel no pain.

Kiss me while I'm still alive  
Kill me while I kiss the sky  
Let me die on my own terms,  
Let me live and let me learn  
Now I'll follow my own way, and I'll  
Live on to another damn day  
Freedom carries sacrifice,  
Remember when this was my life?

Looking forward, not behind  
Everybody's got to cross that line  
Free me now to give me a place,  
Keep me caged and free the beast  
Falling faster, time goes by,  
Fear is not seen through these eyes  
What there was will never be,  
Now I'm blind and cannot see.

Kiss me while I'm still alive  
Kill me while I kiss the sky  
Let me die on my own terms, let me  
Live and let me learn  
Now I'll follow my own way, and I'll  
Live on to another damn day  
Freedom carries sacrifice,  
Remember when this was my life?

3 Doors Down—"Life on My Own" (A repeat from chapter one…but with good reason.)

* * *

Cammy covered her ears but made sure to keep her eyes wide open. She loved this as did Wagner. It was kind of something they'd slowly come to do together…she couldn't even remember when it started, but it had slowly become a sort of tradition they fulfilled whenever they were together. Especially since they'd been so far apart. It was a perfectly clear night and Cammy could see the entire span of starry sky above her and Wagner. With their backs flat on the runway they had perfect seats for when the F-15's flew over, their jet fuel creating a trail of bright blue light that illuminated as far as they could see. After the plane passed Wagner scooted closer to Cammy as they awaited the next routine take-off from the Air Force Base. He spoke.

"I like him."

"You know, me too."

"The thing is…I'm a little scared."

"Scared?"

"Don't put everything into him. It's too risky and it could end up so bad."

"This is it Wagner. I really feel it. He knows everything, and he's still here."

"He doesn't know everything Cammy."

"He knows everything that matters. My miscarriage has no barring on our relationship…it happened and now it's over. I can be careful now, it won't happen again. At least not until we want it to."

"It's your choice and I understand it…but the thing is…all he could do was help you."

"I'm fine Wagner, really."

Wagner grabbed her hand.

"You'll be fine."

They sat in silence for another moment before Wagner spoke again.

"I'm done with the Air Force."

"I figured it would only be a matter of time."

"Yeah, Guile doesn't know."

"He won't care."

"I know, and if he did, he'd still respect my decision."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Well actually, I've got two months until graduation."

Cammy sat up.

"Graduation!"

Wagner sat up too, smiling.

"Yeah…I'll get my degree."

"In what?"

"Psychology and Counseling."

Cammy laughed and hugged Wagner.

"Figures… I'm proud of you."

"We're going to be okay Cammy…despite Shadowlaw….it's going to be okay."

"For the first time I believe you."

* * *

Cammy was as content as she ever thought she could be. It was even better than she had imagined. Sometimes she'd sit and think for a minute and she couldn't help but let a smile break out on her face…a genuine smile. She knew a big part of it was Cranky and she also knew that it wasn't safe investing so much of herself into one person. But she didn't care, it was well worth the risk. All good things were risky, that's what makes them so good, so rewarding. She was in love, screw everything else to hell. She pulled her body in closer to Cranky's and kissed his bare chest. He stirred a little and tightened his arm around her waist. It'd been four days since her rescue and Cranky hadn't left her side except to run errands for her so she could spend time with Wagner. Tonight they'd made love and it was wonderful. Passionate and sweet … perfect aside from her secret. Three nights in a row she had shied away from Cranky's advances, feigning tiredness but knowing herself that it was the miscarriage keeping her from making love to him. But it was over now, she'd healed and she could forget and go on with her life, with Cranky.

A sudden noise caused Cammy to jump, rousing Cranky completely. The phone was ringing. Cranky rolled over tiredly and looked at her, his light green eyes lazy.

"You going to answer that?"

She smiled at him.

"Screw you, I just wanted to make sure it woke you up."

He rolled back over and she playfully kicked him in the bare butt before she grabbed the ringing phone from her nightstand.

"Hello?"

No answer came back, she heard breathing and background noise, but no one spoke.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

"C-Cammy girl, it's me, Julian."

Cammy's breath caught in her throat and her eyes shifted to Cranky, not asleep but trying. Cammy hated what she was about to do.

"Wagner, hold on, I'm going to go to the phone in the kitchen, Cranky's sleeping."

"Huh?"

Cammy ignored Julian's confused response and spoke to Cranky.

"Would you hang this up for me after I pick up the other line?"

* * *

Cranky nodded his head and Cammy hurried from the room and followed with a yell for him to hang up. He did. He was grateful for the phone call, though it was better than before, his conscience was killing him. None of this was really his fault. Was it his fault that he had found two incredible women at the same time? Was it his fault that they each completed and complimented a different part of him? Was it his fault he didn't want to hurt either of them?

Hell no it wasn't. The way he saw it, he was the good guy, trying to make everyone happy. He'd get everything figured out before it got too serious, though things with cammy already were pretty serious. He could see it in the way she looked at him and in the way he felt making love to her. His words were involuntary at that time, he was totally uninhibited and that was what was truly frightening. No calculating, no planning or doing it with an ulterior motive…it just came out. 'I love you'. He couldn't hurt Cammy, he didn't want to, and the same with Juli. The best thing for all parties involved was just to ride it out until his mind was made up…no harm, no foul. Right?

* * *

Cammy yelled for Cranky to hang up the phone and heard the it click on the other end. She wasn't worried about Cranky listening in. He'd met Wagner the night after their big fight. The two got a long great and Cranky understood her and Wagner's relationship. Even more so he was probably tired of them having such deep personal conversations. He wouldn't listen in. she spoke.

"You there Julian?"

"Yeah…"

"What is it?"

"I wanted to see how you were."

"I'm alive if that's what you mean."

"Cammy, I was really messed up. You know me, I would never have done that if I wasn't. I-I just feel like shit. And all of it was in vain, all my anger about Dorian's death, and it was all a lie."

"You should be thankful your child's not dead."

"Please don't do that. I had no idea…I swear. Oh God I can't believe this has happened."

Cammy could tell Julian was beginning to cry. She hadn't meant to do that. It's just her scars were still raw.

"Julian…it was already happening."

"What?"

"Before you hit me, before the mission even, I was in pain. I had no idea what it was…I thought it was just nerves or something. But now I know it would have happened anyway."

"That doesn't change what I did."

"No, but you didn't kill my child."

There was a long silence before Julian spoke.

"You know I worked a deal out, to help you guys, to find Dorian, I can't really tell you anything about it, Colonel Wolfman said not to contact anyone I know, but I had to call you."

"I understand. I wish we could see each other sometime under a normal circumstance."

"Heh, me too."

"Good luck finding Dorian, I'll be helping on my side."

"Thanks, and Cammy girl?"

"Yeah."

"I need one more thing from you, I don't know if it's what you believe, but I believe it so if you could indulge me."

"What is it?"

"When things like what happened to you happen, there's certain things you do, like, for the baby…to make sure his little soul is in order."

"Julian what are you talking about?"

"There's a post-mortem baptism and then you say a Mass and pray like any other death. But the baby needs a name."

"I haven't thought of that."

"Well I've got the resources to handle it, if you'd let me."

"Okay….name him Charlie, Charlie Nash Crankurt."

"Alright girl, I got it. You take care."

"You too."

Cammy clicked the phone into the receiver and leaned against the wall. All her emotions had clouded her mind so much that she hadn't even thought of something like that. But now she was more at peace than ever at the thought of her would-be child being with her father. The thought even made a small smile break out on her face. She could and would handle this…what' she'd told Wagner earlier tonight before he left was true. She was going to be fine, more than fine even… happy.

Cammy grabbed a manila folder from the kitchen table and brought it into the bedroom with her. She spoke softly has she crawled back into bed with Cranky.

"Hey…you awake?"

Groggily he answered.

"Yeah…"

"I wanted to give you something."

He sat up and faced her, kissing her softly on the lips before he waited for her to continue.

"It's just that with Wagner being here the past few days, and you telling me about your little bother and missing him. I got to thinking about how I'd feel if I didn't know where Wagner was or even if he was okay and…well, I dug something up earlier today."

She handed him the folder and he looked at her, puzzled.

"What's this?"

"Just open it."

Cranky did as she said and she watched as the emotions played across his face.

"The little mother fucker…"

Cammy smiled and spoke.

"That's him right?"

"Yeah, that's Kenny alright. How in the hell did you get this?"

"He is officially reported as dead…but then another Kenneth Feng, of the same age and origin as your Kenny, popped up in a foreign exchange program. So I went to confirm and there he was, in Raccoon City, USA, working with the police department."

"So he's here, I mean there, right now."

"As we speak…and your flight leaves in the morning."

Cammy could see Cranky's shock as he spoke.

"No one has ever done anything like this for me…but Cammy, I can't leave you right now."

"Sure you can…just promise me you'll come back to me is all."

Cranky looked down at the photos she'd printed off and then to her. He smiled.

"I'm going to see my little brother…"

Cranky grabbed Cammy by the shoulders and kissed her deeply. He slowly guided her to her pillow before he broke their kiss and spoke.

"I don't deserve you."

THE END…

* * *

To the readers…

I'm pretty sure most of you are aware, but this story is continued in two more fics, neither of which are written by me. Cranky's trip to reunite with Kenny is followed up in Noctorro's Resident Evil fic, "ACT 5: Biohazard- World of the Undead File 2" and then back to the Street Fighter world with, "ACT 6: STREET FIGHTER- Return to the Shadows". Again, I'm sure you all know and love Noc's fic as much as I do already…but yeah, in the highly unlikely situation one of my readers is not reading his fics too, check them out.

Enough of that…now to the really important things…

I'm a believer in the great power of words to convey everything, and even they cannot begin to describe how thankful I am for all of the readers and reviewers who have supported me through this. I'd like to think I was one of those authors who wrote only for myself, but that'd be a lie. While I do write what I like regardless, I still crave the reviews, the insights, hell, the even cheerleaders and flames. You've helped and entertained me as much as I hope I did you. I am hoping to get the inspiration for yet another continuation soon, but for now…the hiatus has begun. Thank you so, so very much for being with me through a wonderful experience.

Karina (Vammy)


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